This 1 Thing Might Be Sabotaging Your Marriage
The short answer
Low self-esteem can sabotage your marriage when you rely on your spouse to keep boosting how you feel about yourself, which creates unrealistic expectations and stress. Dr. Kimberly explains that only three sources of self-worth are healthy: family support, virtue, and divine love. Spouses with healthy self-esteem rely less on each other for validation and often have happier marriages.
Key takeaways
- Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself overall, and self-worth is made up of the specific areas that build it.
- Jennifer Crocker’s research found seven areas that feed self-worth, but only family support, virtue, and divine love are healthy for your well-being.
- Leaning on your spouse to constantly boost your self-esteem leads to unrealistic expectations and stress in the marriage.
- If low self-esteem keeps coming back, especially because of past trauma, professional help such as EMDR can offer real healing.
How Self-Esteem Shapes Our Marriages
In a today’s Relationship Radio episode, our CEO, Kimberly Beam Holmes, took a closer look at how self-esteem influences marriage. Here’s a simplified breakdown of her insights:
1. What’s the Difference?:
- Self-Esteem: How we overall feel about ourselves.
- Self-Worth: Specific areas that build our self-esteem.
2. The Foundation of Self-Worth: Jennifer Crocker’s research showed seven key areas that contribute to our self-worth. Interestingly, only three, family support, virtue, and divine love, are considered healthy for our well-being.
3. The Marriage Connection: Relying on our spouses to constantly boost our self-esteem? Beware! It can lead to unrealistic expectations and stress in the relationship. But, Kimberly’s research offers hope: with the right steps, we can improve our self-esteem.
4. Attraction Isn’t Just Physical: Sure, physical attraction is great. But Kimberly stresses the importance of intellectual, emotional, and spiritual connections too. These deep bonds are vital for marriages to thrive.
5. The Bigger Picture: Spouses with healthy self-esteem often have happier marriages. They rely less on each other for validation, leading to a more fulfilling relationship.
6. Seeking Help: If low self-esteem is a recurring issue, especially due to past traumas, consider professional help. Therapies like EMDR can offer genuine healing.
In a Nutshell: Your self-esteem plays a huge role in your marriage. By understanding and working on it, you pave the way for a happier, healthier relationship.
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Common questions
Can low self-esteem ruin a marriage?
It can put a lot of strain on it. When you count on your spouse to keep lifting how you feel about yourself, the relationship carries expectations no one can meet, while spouses who feel good about themselves tend to lean on each other less for validation.
What is the difference between self-esteem and self-worth?
Self-esteem is your overall sense of how you feel about yourself. Self-worth is made up of the specific areas that feed it, and Jennifer Crocker’s research points to family support, virtue and divine love as the three healthy ones.
How do I get help for low self-esteem?
If it keeps coming back, especially because of past trauma, it is worth talking to a professional. Dr. Kimberly points to therapies such as EMDR as a path to real healing.