There is a process to falling in love. There is a process to falling back in, too.

The LovePath™ is that process: attraction, then acceptance, then attachment, then aspiration, in that order. When a marriage slips, one of those four stopped being true. Find which one, and you know where the work starts.

Find your stage

Kimberly explains it in sixty seconds.

Four stages, in order. If you only watch one thing on this page, watch this.

How to fall in love with your spouse again How to fall in love, explained

The four stages, in order

Each one builds on the one before it. When a marriage slips, it is because one stage stopped being true.

Attraction

Do I like how I feel when I'm around you?

Moves you closer

Where every marriage starts, and where every struggling one has to come back to. It is not mostly about looks. It has four parts, physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual, and emotional matters most. If you do not like the way you feel around someone, it pushes you away.

What slipsYou have stopped doing the things that made your spouse feel good around you. Compliments turned into complaints, then into criticism.

The moveFix the emotional piece first. It carries the other three.

Acceptance

Can I accept you as you are, without needing you to change?

Moves you to care

I accept your flaws, your past, your quirks. And the half most people miss: letting yourself be known. If your spouse does not know the things you are hiding, you cannot fully believe them when they say they love you.

What slipsYou are waiting for them to change before you can accept them, and hiding parts of yourself, afraid of not being accepted.

The moveAccept them as they are, and let yourself be known, regardless of how they respond.

Attachment

Will you be there for me when I need you?

Moves you to commit

A hundred years of attachment research in one sentence. It is the question under every fight. And in the largest study of strong families ever done, quality time did not matter. Quantity time did.

What slipsWhen it is hard, you are not consistently there. And you are counting on occasional "quality time" instead of ordinary time together.

The moveBe the reliable, present one. Trust is built through consistency, not gestures.

Aspiration

What are we building together?

Moves you to cooperate

Life will push you apart unless you have something to pull you together. Dating, it was the engagement. Then the wedding, the house, the kids. Then you got there, and looked up one day to find you had gone separate ways. Nothing is on fire. That is what makes it dangerous.

What slipsYou each have your own goals, and nothing you are building together. Life has become logistics.

The moveFind and propose one shared goal, dream, or project you can work toward together.

Which stage is yours? Find your stage

It always starts with your PIES.

Attraction has four parts, and they are the part of the path you control. Whatever stage you are at, when love starts to waver, this is where you go back to.

Physical Take care of yourself for your age and stage of life. Effort, not a specific look.

Intellectual Keep learning, growing, and trying new things.

Emotional Be a safe place. Evoke emotions your spouse enjoys.

Spiritual Live in line with what you say you believe.

"If you realize that you're beginning to fall off the love path, you always just start back at the beginning. You start by working on yourself, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually."
Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes

Falling out of love is the path in reverse.

Nobody plans it. Early on you did the things that made your spouse feel good around you. Then life got busy. Date nights turned into schedules. Compliments turned into complaints, and complaints into criticism. You stopped doing the things that build love and started doing the things that destroy it, and you probably did not notice the switch.

The first half you can walk alone.

Attraction and acceptance are work you do on yourself, even if your spouse is not ready, has checked out, or has left. Attachment and aspiration take both of you. That is why most of the marriages we help started with one spouse doing the work alone, and why knowing your stage tells you exactly what you can do today.

Built by the people who teach it.

Dr. Joe Beam founded Marriage Helper and built the LovePath from the research on how people fall in love, and from his own marriage, which ended in divorce and was rebuilt. Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes, CEO, holds a PhD and researches attraction. Together they have helped 25,000+ couples over 32 years, and the LovePath is the spine of every Marriage Helper program.

What couples say on Google.

4.6186 Google reviews

Marriage Helper literally saved my life emotionally. They have taught me to start becoming my best self, and it has changed my life. Obviously the hope is to save your marriage, but this program changes your life in such a positive way whether you can reconcile or not.

VLVince L.Google review

You guys changed my view of online support programs. It gave me calmness, confidence, knowledge, and hope. While focused on marriage, MH also improved other areas of my life. I especially love how charismatic, authentic, and knowledgeable the team members I had contact with were.

MLMilka L.Google review

Highly recommend this website! If you want to better yourself do this no matter what happens in your marriage! You can change yourself!

MYMarianne Y.Google review

When my husband asked for a divorce, everyone told me to accept it and walk away. But I wanted to work for my marriage. I found Marriage Helper and the advice was life-changing. I am forever grateful. We are still together. Happily.

LPLisa P.Google review

Been to a jillion marriage workshops looking for hope over the last 20 years. I was skeptical but this one IS different. There is HOPE!

CGCarolyn G.Google review

I walked into Marriage Helper with a lot of stress, fear and anger. I walked out with hope, peace, and a resolve to do the next right thing.

KPKevin P.Google review

Walk the whole path, step by step.

The LovePath™ Toolkit is Joe and Kimberly teaching every stage on video, with the steps for each. Yours to keep, $127 one time.

Get the toolkit See what is inside

Keep reading

Questions people ask about the LovePath

What is the LovePath?

The LovePath is the process people go through as they fall in love, and the map back when they have fallen out of it. It has four stages in order: attraction, acceptance, attachment, and aspiration. Each one builds on the one before it.

What are the four stages of the LovePath?

Attraction (do I like how I feel when I am around you), acceptance (can I accept you as you are, without needing you to change), attachment (will you be there for me when I need you), and aspiration (what are we building together). Attraction moves you closer, acceptance moves you to care, attachment moves you to commit, and aspiration moves you to cooperate.

How do you fall out of love?

By walking the path in reverse. Through habituation, couples stop doing the things that built attraction and start doing the things that erode it: criticism, neutral or negative emotions, and absence. Nobody plans it, and most people do not notice the switch.

Can I work on the LovePath if my spouse is not willing?

Yes. Attraction and acceptance are work you do on yourself, and you can do them even if your spouse has checked out or left. Attachment and aspiration take both of you. Most of the marriages Marriage Helper helps started with one spouse doing the work alone.

What is the PIES of Attraction?

The four parts of attraction: physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. They are the part of the LovePath you control. Of the four, emotional matters most.

How do I find out which stage my marriage is at?

Take the free LovePath quiz. Nine honest questions find the first stage that has slipped, and you get a short guide written for that stage with what to do this week.

Where is your marriage on the path?

Nine honest questions find the first stage that slipped. You get a short, free guide written for that stage, with what to do this week.

Find your stage