From the desk of Coach Jared…

Hi everyone! I’m one of the coaches here at Marriage Helper. In 2015, I wanted to end my marriage. Marriage Helper showed me that my situation was not unique. In fact, so much of what I was feeling was common to all couples!

In the years that I have worked for Marriage Helper, I’ve seen first hand how common certain patterns of behavior show up when people are in crisis. I also remember how isolated I felt when I was experiencing these same things. Below, we’ve created a list of common phrases we have heard. We give this list, not to ridicule, but to demonstrate that most people feel and say similar things. The goal is to help you feel less alone.

If you are standing for your marriage, it’s important to acknowledge that if your spouse says some of these phrases, they are expressing their genuine feelings. Please do not dismiss them! But, also realize that feelings change. Indeed, my own feelings changed. If you’re reluctant to work on your marriage, you may find that some of these phrases encapsulate how you feel. Please know that each of these were collected from real people, many of whom are reconciled today!

We know this list may be repetitive, and could feel depressing to read, but we share it in the hopes that you will feel less alone!

There is always hope!

I don’t want to give you any hope
I’m not happy, I haven’t been happy for a long time
I can’t live like this. I just want to be happy and live my life.
You deserve to be happy and to be loved.
I don’t love you the way a husband should love his wife.
I don’t want to hurt you anymore.
I don’t want to end up hating you.
Standing for our marriage is just you being selfish.
I’ve just stayed with you all these years out of guilt.
I don’t think we can ever get past this
It’s not about her/him, if it wasn’t her/him it would be someone else
If it doesn’t work out I’ll come back to you
I’m not trying to hurt you
Don’t worry about the kids, everyone will be fine
I don’t love you anymore
I never loved you
I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore
Our marriage was terrible
All I want is to coparent and for you to leave me alone
This change in you is too little too late
There is not anything you can do or improve, it’s just YOU.
I should have told you long ago that I was never happy
You and I can’t ever connect
No, there’s nobody else! She’s just a friend!
I never should have married you in the first place.
We were never right for each other.
Getting divorced is the only right thing to do. She can’t stay a mistress forever
I just want to be selfish and do what I want to do
I can only think about myself now because I always thought about everyone else before.
So, do you want me to be unhappy for the rest of my life?
I tried for a long time
Don’t the kids just want me to be happy?
We are too far gone for reconciliation.
We have just been surviving for years.
I never knew what love was until now
I just want to be happy.
I don’t want to give you hope (explanation for being cold hearted)
I feel like I’m giving you false hope just by being in the house
I can’t stand the thought of OW being with someone else.
I am not happy in our marriage and have not been for a while
we aren’t soul mates
I just want a friendly divorce.
You deserve better than me.
You should move on and date other people so you can be happy.
I just want us both to be happy.
You will never change
We have nothing in common
I’ve given everything I can to this marriage
You are a great mom, the kids will be fine with you
I will always be there for the children and for you
I just need to be on my own right now, and focus on myself and my happiness.
Life is too short to be unhappy.
I will never be able to love you the way you deserve
I have never felt this way before.
I care deeply about you, but I don’t love you.
I didn’t mean for this to happen.
Why don’t you find someone else that makes you happy
I’m done fixing. I’ve tried fixing us for years.
My decision is made, there is nothing you can do to change my mind.
I am trying to find myself
Our marriage has become toxic. I am doing this for my sanity
Why are you with me if you can’t get what you need from me
You are better off without me
You would actually like her.
I can’t help what I feel
If the tables were turned I would be happy that you found somebody that made you truly happy.
I know I will never find anyone who loves me as much as you do. You just don’t make me happy.
It’s too late. I’ve checked out.
Coaching/Counseling/the Workshop won’t change anything
I have forgiven myself, I’m at peace with leaving
I don’t see you as my wife, not sure if I ever did
People get divorced all the time.
We’re not compatible
If your being honest with yourself and look in your heart you will know our marriage has been dead for a long time
You never met my needs
I deserve to experience real love.
We should never have gotten married
We have done anything but fight since we started dating
We are getting divorced and nothing you do will change that.
I want a clean break, amicable and friendly, no lawyers.
You make me feel guilty
We just didn’t work out. You are a good woman but not for me
We don’t share any common goals
I’m not willing to work on this anymore
You would never forgive me anyway so I may as well just keep doing it.
It’s not adultery because we’ve been separated for a while
I just want to live alone and not answer to anyone
I don’t want to come back out of guilt, because I will just resent you
I can’t envision a future with you
When I look back, I realize I never had any passion for you
It’s not an affair. I told you I wanted a divorce.
I’m just not attracted to you anymore…
I feel guilty having sex with you. I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.
I wish I had never met you
I married you out of obligation
If we really had true love, we would have never hurt each other
I cannot change my feelings for her
I feel trapped and need some space
Our marriage was a lie
I need to figure out who I am
The kids will be fine, it is better to have 2 happy homes than 1 unhappy home.
We don’t need to involve lawyers. We can do this divorce quickly and amicably.
We aren’t soulmates, LO is my soulmate, “twin flame” etc. He/she is my future, you are my past.
You will thank me one day, I’m doing you a favor. Better for me to do this now then in 10 years.
Why don’t you go on some dating sites? There’s someone out there better suited for you.
I never really knew what love was because I never felt like this before.
I’m not happy. I haven’t been happy for a long time. I just want to be happy.
I’m not willing to work on our relationship any more. I don’t want help, I don’t want to fix things. I’m just done.

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