Something has changed in your marriage, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. You’re trying not to panic, but you can’t shake this feeling that your wife doesn’t love you anymore. This can be a terrible feeling, but there is hope. But first, we will share with you the three signs to look for if you feel like your wife doesn’t love you anymore.
Distance Doesn’t Always Make The Heart Grow Fonder
First, let’s give a quick disclaimer. The three things we’re about to describe are just possible signs that your wife might not love you anymore. But just because one or two of these things are applicable to your marriage, that does not mean your wife doesn’t love you. We see similar things happen when people consult WebMD with their symptoms and convince themselves that they are dying from some incurable disease. So, avoid jumping to conclusions, and don’t panic.
With that said, the first sign your wife might not love you anymore is that she’s distant. This distance can manifest itself in many ways, but it boils down to suddenly seeing more space between you than usual. One way this happens is that she’s more physically distant. She might sit on the opposite end of the couch or walk into the restaurant without waiting for you. Maybe you find that the two of you rarely stay in the same room for very long. Or maybe the frequency of your sexual interactions decreased or stopped. All of these are examples of your wife physically distancing herself from you. But there are more signs to look for than just physical distance.
Laughter Might Be The Best Medicine
While physical distance can be a strong indicator, perhaps more important is the emotional distance between you and your wife. You might notice that your conversations are less frequent, and when you do talk to each other, it’s mostly about kids, bills, work, and family. But are you still checking in with each other emotionally? Do you know how she’s feeling about the kids, bills, work, and family?
Another example of emotional distance is a lack of fun. When was the last time you and your wife had a good laugh? If it’s been a while since you had fun together, especially if she has avoided your attempts to connect emotionally, it could be a sign that she’s no longer in love with you.
Are You Hearing More Me Than We?
The second sign that your wife may not love you anymore is that she’s become more self-centered. The driving principle here is that your wife’s vision for her life is more about herself than it is about the two of you together. One telltale sign of this is a lack of us and we in her language. For example, you might overhear her on the phone with her mom talking about my kid’s school performance rather than our kids. Perhaps you see a social media post describing my plans for the summer rather than our plans.
Another sign of self-centeredness is failing to include you in her decision-making process. You come home and are surprised to find that she’s completely redecorated the master bedroom or that she booked a trip to Cancun without including you in her plans. She might take a new job without talking it through with you.
Another more obvious sign of self-centeredness can be seen in the way she talks to you about how she views the relationship. For example, she might say things like, “I’ve got to focus on myself now”, or, “I can’t live my life for you anymore.” If your wife has become more self-centered, it could signify she’s not in love with you anymore.
Red Flags Are Not A Complete Picture Of Your Relationship
The third sign to look for is that she’s become secretive. There are a lot of examples of this. Maybe your wife has changed her passwords, assuming you used to share them. Perhaps she’s locked her phone and keeps it turned upside down when you are sitting down to eat. Or maybe she’s not telling you where she’s going or who she’s hanging out with anymore. All of these are signs that your wife might not love you anymore.
Remember that one or two red flags together don’t always mean that your wife has fallen out of love with you. They are just indicators and are not a complete diagnosis of your relationship. And perhaps most importantly, don’t take these signs as advice on what to do to fix your marriage; they’re descriptive, not prescriptive. Some of the worst things you can do are to conclude that your wife is distant and then decide to suffocate her with your presence or dig through her phone when she leaves it somewhere.
At Marriage Helper, we have designed a free, online mini-course to help you avoid things that will push your wife away and do the things that can spark some attraction back in your direction. If you are not sure what to do next in your situation, contact one of our client representatives here to figure out the best next steps for your relationship. Remember, there is hope. Our purpose at Marriage Helper is to help you find that hope and give you the tools to have a better, stronger marriage.