As human beings, there’s no denying that we are inherently sexual beings. It’s an essential part of the way we are made. While there are exceptions, like asexual individuals, the vast majority of us are wired for sexual experiences. In this blog post, we’ll delve into the topic of premarital sex and its prevalence in American society. Is it a good thing, a bad thing, or does it make no difference at all? Let’s explore the subject with Dr. Joe Beam and Kimberly Beam Holmes.


The Prevalence of Premarital Sex

It is undeniable that pre-marital sex is incredibly widespread in modern society. Numerous studies have proven the prevalence of sexual activity among individuals of various age groups. Research has shown that most people, married and unmarried, engage in sexual activity, with many starting on average at 14. It’s also worth noting that some married individuals may also engage in extramarital affairs. However, for this discussion, we’ll focus on unmarried people contemplating sexual compatibility before marriage.

The Myth of Sexual Compatibility

One common argument in favor of having sex before marriage is the notion of sexual compatibility. People argue that to have a successful marriage, you should have sex to determine if one’s sexual desires align with your partner’s. However, this thinking overlooks the deeper implications and consequences of multiple sexual partners. Recently, one of us happened to catch a conversation between two girls discussing the timing of when sex typically starts in a relationship. They agreed that it often begins on the third date after a couple has started seeing each other. All we could think was how dangerous this way of thinking was because we know how destructive that can be for a future marriage. If you marry that person, or even worse, if you DON’T marry that person, it will inevitably impact the sexual satisfaction you have in your marriage. 

The Downsides of Multiple Sexual Partners

Engaging in numerous sexual encounters before marriage can have negative effects on a future marriage relationship. When people have multiple sexual partners, they inadvertently condition themselves to expect novelty, variety, and constant excitement in their sexual experiences. This mindset can significantly impact their satisfaction within a committed marriage, leading to comparisons and feelings of dissatisfaction.

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Personal Experiences and Insights

Consider the story of a woman thinking about having sex for the first time with someone other than her fiance before her wedding day. She believed that sleeping with someone other than her future spouse would prevent her from feeling like she missed out on something later on. However, this line of thinking doesn’t take into account the unique and intimate bond that should exist exclusively between spouses. Bringing other sexual experiences into a marriage can lead to unnecessary comparisons and feelings of dissatisfaction.

Another example involves a woman who had experienced many sexual partners before marriage. She later found herself feeling sexually bored in her marriage and yearning for more excitement. This dissatisfaction stemmed from the conditioning her mind underwent during this time in her life. Her previous experiences set unrealistic expectations that her husband couldn’t fulfill, leaving her perpetually unsatisfied.

The Power of Emotional and Spiritual Intimacy

Sex is more than a physical act—it encompasses emotional, spiritual, and mental components as well. True fulfillment in sexual intimacy comes from the complete unity of two individuals: body, mind, heart, and soul. This level of connection can’t be achieved through casual encounters or multiple partners. Waiting until marriage to engage in sexual activity allows couples to build anticipation,

Choose Wisdom and True Intimacy

While people obviously have the freedom to make their own choices regarding premarital sex, it’s important to consider the long-term implications. Engaging in multiple sexual partners before marriage can hinder the ability to find true sexual satisfaction within a committed relationship. If you have been sexually active outside of marriage, then change your behavior. Stop and save it for when you get married. Talk openly with your children about the benefits of sex inside of marriage and why it’s important to wait. Building emotional, spiritual, and mental intimacy alongside physical intimacy fosters a deeper connection that surpasses the fleeting pleasure of casual encounters. Ultimately, the choice lies in what individuals truly desire for their relationships and lives.