How To Reconcile Marriage
The short answer
To reconcile your marriage, you have to understand and deal with what really caused the trouble, which is usually much more than the final issue. Ending an affair, for example, doesn’t mean the underlying weaknesses and relationship dynamics are healed. In this episode, Dr. Joe walks through how to find the real issues so the marriage can become better than it was before.
Key takeaways
- Reconciling a marriage is harder than most couples expect, because the real trouble usually runs deeper than the issue that brought on the crisis.
- Ending an affair does not heal the weaknesses and relationship patterns that left the marriage open to it.
- Looking at what led to the problem is not an excuse for it; it is how you deal with what is still there.
- The same principle applies to control, selfishness, in-law trouble, sexual problems, and other issues that push a marriage to the edge.
What do you do when you’ve had major problems in your marriage and now want to try to reconcile?
It’s tougher to accomplish than most people think.
It’s great when a couple decides to put a marriage back together. However, without a valid understanding of what caused the trouble (and that usually means MUCH more than the final issue that became the focus of the marriage problems), many couples who try to reconcile run headlong into a wall of pain and frustration.
For example, if the marriage hit crisis because of an affair, ending the affair doesn’t necessarily mean that the underlying issues have been healed. What led to the affair? What weaknesses exist in either spouse? What relationship dynamics helped create the vulnerability? (This isn’t to justify something such as an affair; it’s to point out that some people think things are now fine because the affair ended BUT THERE ARE STILL ISSUES that haven’t been dealt with.)
That same principle applies to much more than affairs…it applies to control and domination, selfishness, in-law problems, sexual problems, and much, much more.
In this program, Dr. Joe Beam guides you through a process of discovering and dealing with the real issues and then following a proven plan to make reconciliation actually work so that the marriage becomes better after the problem than it was ever before.
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Common questions
Why is reconciling a marriage so hard?
Many couples who try to reconcile run into a wall of pain and frustration because they never understood what caused the trouble. The real problem is usually much more than the final issue that became the focus.
If the affair is over, is our marriage fixed?
Not necessarily. Some people think things are fine because the affair ended, but it helps to ask what led to it, what weaknesses exist in either spouse, and what relationship dynamics created the vulnerability. That isn’t to justify the affair, only to deal with what is still there.
What problems need to be dealt with before reconciling?
The same principle applies well beyond affairs: control and domination, selfishness, in-law problems, sexual problems and more. Whatever the issue, look past the one that brought on the crisis and deal with the real problems underneath.