How to talk to a spouse who's pulling away.
Eleven lessons on SMART Contact: the communication framework for marriages in crisis, where every text, call, and conversation either pulls your spouse back or pushes them further away.
What it actually teaches.
The internet will tell you to go "no contact" with a spouse who is pulling away. For a marriage, that advice usually backfires: silence reads as abandonment, and it hands the connection to whatever else is pulling them. But chasing backfires too. SMART Contact is the middle path: five moves that keep you connected without pushing.
Stop the push behaviors. Manage the business of life together without manipulation. Allow them to talk. Respond strong and calm. Take it one day at a time. Eleven lessons teach the framework move by move, including the hard cases: discovered infidelity, children in the middle, when a real boundary is needed, and how to recognize when your spouse is starting to turn back.
What's inside.
Eleven video lessons from Dr. Joe Beam and Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. Watch alone or with your spouse, on any device, yours for life.
- 1. What SMART Contact Is Not Why going silent ("no contact") typically backfires in a marriage.
- 2. What SMART Contact Is The five moves: Stop, Manage, Allow, Respond, Take it one day at a time.
- 3. Stop the Push Behaviors The PUSH behaviors: pleading, unnecessary crying, starting fights, hovering.
- 4. Manage Business Items Together Kids, bills, and logistics without emotional manipulation.
- 5. Allow Them to Talk. Respond Strong and Calm. Handling openness and hard conversations without losing ground.
- 6. Take It One Day at a Time Pacing the recovery, and where support comes from.
- 7. Pushes and Pulls Explained The core mechanics underneath all of it.
- 8. Should You Tell Them You Know? Handling discovered infidelity.
- 9. SMART Contact When You Have Children Family conversations without blame.
- 10. When a Push Is Necessary Setting a STOP: a Safeguard That Offers Protection.
- 11. When to Start Opening Up Recognizing and following the signals of reconciliation.
Who it's for.
This is for you if
- You keep hearing "I love you but I am not in love with you."
- You have been told to go "no contact" and it feels wrong for a marriage.
- There is an affair, a separation, or divorce talk, and every conversation feels like a minefield.
- You are working on reconciliation alone and need to know what to say and when.
Taught by Dr. Joe Beam and Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes.
Dr. Joe Beam founded Marriage Helper after his own divorce and remarriage to the same woman; Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes, his daughter, holds a PhD in performance psychology and leads the organization today. Between them: three decades of research and tens of thousands of couples.
Both have stood inside a marriage that looked finished. It works differently when your teachers have been where you are.
Meet the founders →What couples say on Google.
The twelve-week Save My Marriage Course was amazing to walk through and complete and I can’t wait to do more of their courses, as I learned so much.
Even in my case I saw that smart contact and PIES worked. I will apply the principles in my future relationship.
It’s user friendly and All of the information is there to help you succeed in saving your marriage. It works! It takes effort, the tools and the support are there if you need it.
One payment. Yours for life.
- Focused video lessons, taught start to finish
- Lifetime access, streaming on any device
- Self-paced, rewatch as your situation changes
- One payment, no subscription
Want it live with our team instead? See the workshop.
Questions.
- Is SMART Contact the same as no contact?
- No, it is the answer to it. No contact is built for ending relationships. SMART Contact is built for saving one: it keeps the connection alive while removing the pressure that was pushing your spouse away.
- Should I get this or the full Save My Marriage Course?
- This toolkit goes deep on one piece of the picture. The Save My Marriage Course is the complete twelve-lesson framework covering the whole situation. If this one issue is what is burning hottest, start here. If you want the entire system, start with the course.
- How long do I have access?
- For life. Everything is self-paced, streams on any device, and stays yours, so you can rewatch lessons as your situation changes.