Why your spouse hates you. And how to reverse it.
Seven lessons from Dr. Joe Beam on what hate in a marriage actually is, the three temperatures it runs at, and how it can be turned back toward love.
What it actually teaches.
Hate in a marriage is not the opposite of love; it is love’s negation, and it comes in three temperatures. Cool hate disengages. Hot hate burns with anger or fear. Cold hate calcifies into contempt, and contempt is the most reliable predictor of divorce there is. Naming which one you are facing changes what you do about it.
This toolkit teaches the structure underneath your spouse’s hostility: which part of love is being negated, how friends and family feed the story your spouse tells about you, how to respond in the hardest moments without making it worse, and the path by which hate genuinely turns back toward love. Because it can.
What's inside.
Seven focused video lessons. Watch in any order, on any device, yours for life.
- 1. What Is Hate The structure of hate, and its three temperature levels.
- 2. Negation of Intimacy Cool hate: disengagement and distance.
- 3. Negation of Passion Hot hate: anger and fear.
- 4. Negation of Commitment Cold hate: contempt, the most dangerous of the three.
- 5. How Others Affect Hate How outside voices shape the story your spouse tells about you.
- 6. How to React to Hate Specific responses for the hardest moments.
- 7. Hate Can Be Changed to Love Rebuilding intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Who it's for.
This is for you if
- Your spouse has said they hate you, in words or in actions.
- Contempt and coldness have replaced the connection you used to have.
- Outside voices are feeding your spouse a story about you, and it is winning.
- You want to understand the coldness instead of just absorbing it.
Taught by someone who has been on both sides.
Dr. Joe Beam did not learn this in a classroom first. He left his wife Alice for another woman, divorced, and watched that relationship collapse exactly the way the research says it does. Three years later, he and Alice remarried. The frameworks he teaches came out of that road back, three decades of research, and tens of thousands of couples since.
It works differently when your teacher has stood where you are standing.
Read Joe's story →What couples say on Google.
The twelve-week Save My Marriage Course was amazing to walk through and complete and I can’t wait to do more of their courses, as I learned so much.
Even in my case I saw that smart contact and PIES worked. I will apply the principles in my future relationship.
It’s user friendly and All of the information is there to help you succeed in saving your marriage. It works! It takes effort, the tools and the support are there if you need it.
One payment. Yours for life.
- Focused video lessons, taught start to finish
- Lifetime access, streaming on any device
- Self-paced, rewatch as your situation changes
- One payment, no subscription
Want it live with our team instead? See the workshop.
Questions.
- My spouse has never said the word "hate." Is this still for me?
- Hate in a marriage is more often shown than said: contempt, coldness, disengagement, hostility. If you recognize those, this is the teaching for what is underneath them.
- Should I get this or the full Save My Marriage Course?
- This toolkit goes deep on one piece of the picture. The Save My Marriage Course is the complete twelve-lesson framework covering the whole situation. If this one issue is what is burning hottest, start here. If you want the entire system, start with the course.
- How long do I have access?
- For life. Everything is self-paced, streams on any device, and stays yours, so you can rewatch lessons as your situation changes.