Why Marriages Fail: 3 Top Reasons and How to Have Yours
The short answer
Marriages fail because one spouse doesn’t feel liked, loved, or respected, according to Dr. Gottman’s research, and every other issue is a symptom of one of those three. If any of them is missing and nothing changes, the marriage is headed for trouble, but you can change the direction your marriage is going.
Key takeaways
- Dr. Gottman’s research shows relationships end when a spouse doesn’t feel liked, loved or respected, and other problems are symptoms of those three.
- Liking your spouse means enjoying time together, while love goes deeper and includes being willing to do what it takes.
- Respect means treating your spouse as an equal who can think, feel and want things for themselves, not someone to control.
- If one of the three is missing and nothing changes, things will likely get worse, but you can change the direction of your marriage.
Don’t have your headphones or a private place to listen right now? Script coming soon:
The End Of A Marriage: 3 Reasons Why It Happens (And How To Prevent It)
Would you believe us if we said we could look at any marriage that ended in divorce and tell you EXACTLY why it happened?
What if we could specify it down to one of three possible reasons?
If you want to know, keep reading. We will explain the top three reasons that marriages (and relationships) come to an end.
(And, we will reveal how each of these reasons is PREVENTABLE!)
We have worked with thousands of couples over the past 32 years. We have seen marriages on the verge of ending, and have helped couples save the relationship and stay together.
What we’ve seen with these couples connects GREATLY with the research. According to the research of Dr. Gottman, all relationships end because of one of three reasons: either a person doesn’t feel liked, loved or respected.
All other issues are just symptoms of one of these three core problems.
What does it mean to “like” someone? At its simplest, liking someone means that you enjoy being around them. Think of it this way, if someone doesn’t like you, you probably won’t want to be around them much.
What does it mean to “love” someone? Scientifically it’s formed by intimacy, passion & commitment- but see our other video for a more detailed description: Definition of Love
Love is also a deep connection and longing. It’s a willingness to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work. And if you don’t feel loved, you may feel like you need to change in order to be accepted.
What does it mean to “respect” someone? It means to see a person as equal; a person who is allowed to think, feel, dream and wish for him/herself. So many times in marriage, we want to change what our spouse thinks, feels, or wants. However, this only leads our spouse to feel controlled or disrespected. When they don’t feel like they can be themselves, it pushes them away.
The goal in marriage is not to be codependent or completely independent, but interdependent. Where you don’t have to have each other but you want each other.
What about your marriage?
If any of these things are lacking in a marriage, one person not feeling liked, loved or respected… then the marriage is headed for trouble. That is, if you keep going forward in your relationship with no changes (when change is needed) things will probably get worse. But here’s the good news, you can change the trajectory that your marriage is on.
Your marriage can turnaround from where it currently is and become stronger and better than you could imagine.
Related: make yourself the most attractive you can be. Get the PIES Bootcamp now!
Common questions
What does respect look like in a marriage?
Respect means seeing your spouse as an equal who is allowed to think, feel, dream and wish for themselves. Trying to change what your spouse thinks, feels, or wants leaves them feeling controlled and pushes them away.
What is the difference between liking and loving your spouse?
Liking someone means you enjoy being around them. Love goes deeper: it is formed by intimacy, passion and commitment, and it includes a willingness to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work.
How independent should spouses be in a healthy marriage?
The goal is not to be codependent or completely independent, but interdependent. You don’t have to have each other, but you want each other.