Why Doesn’t My Spouse Want to Have Sex with Me?
The short answer
Often the reason is trouble in the relationship. In the research shared here, relationship problems were the top thing that lowered sexual attraction for both husbands and wives, with sexual techniques, low desire or inhibitions, and a husband’s hygiene on the list too. It isn’t about blame. Look honestly at what applies, because better lovemaking and a better marriage tend to go together.
Key takeaways
- If your spouse rarely wants sex, you are not alone, and the research here is shared to help you look honestly at your situation, not to blame you.
- Relationship problems were the number one thing that lowered sexual attraction for both husbands and wives.
- Husbands’ desire dropped most over their wives’ sexual techniques, low desire, and inhibitions, while wives’ desire dropped most over their husbands’ techniques, relationship problems, and sexual functioning.
- Sexual and marital satisfaction rise and fall together, and with work, couples can turn things around and enjoy lovemaking again.
Don’t have your headphones or a private place to listen right now? Script coming soon:
Why Doesn’t My Husband Want to Have Sex with Me?
Do you feel like you’ve always heard that, “Men want sex.” Or, that it’s “always” on their mind? Maybe you’ve spoken with other women who say their husband is always ready, or even complaining that they aren’t getting enough. But you can’t seem to relate, because your husband is not interested in having sex.
You may wonder: “Is there something wrong with him?” “Does he care?” “Is there something wrong with me?”
If you’re asking these questions, or feel frustrated by the lack of love-making in your marriage, you aren’t alone. We would like to share with you some specific research about this, but we would like to preface this- we are not saying that it’s your fault that your husband doesn’t want to have sex with you. That is NOT our intent. Rather, when we share what we found, be honest with yourself in evaluating whether these apply. (And If they do, don’t panic!) We’ll also share with you how you can turn things around so that you and your husband can enjoy lovemaking in amazing ways
And remember, there is a correlation between sexual and marital satisfaction. If the love-making in your marriage is going well, it is likely that your marriage is going well (and vice versa).
First, we will discuss the research on sexual attraction. In an online survey, when asked if anything significantly reduces sexual attraction to their wife, the number one cause was relationship problems (also issues in communication). The second cause according to research was that a wife have become overweight. (In saying this, we are in no way trying to hurt feelings or self-esteem, rather we want to state what we found in research.) The third cause was sexual techniques or skills (moreso that a husband wanted to do something sexual that the wife is unable/unwilling to do).
Next, we will discuss research on specific factors that negatively affected a husband’s sex drive. The number one reason was the wife’s sexual techniques. The second reason was a wife’s lack of desire to have sex. The third reason was a wife’s sexual inhibitions. (Husbands wanted their wives to be more confident in their body & sexuality.)
If any of the reasons mentioned from our research apply to your situation, don’t fret. There are ways you can improve and increase your husband’s desire to be with you sexually. There are ways you can increase his enjoyment while also increasing your enjoyment. And, there are ways to increase your own desire to be with your husband sexually. It will take work, but it’s doable. And, it can be fun.
Watch this teaching on YouTube
Don’t have your headphones or a private place to listen right now? Script coming soon:
Why Doesn’t My Wife Want to Have Sex with Me?
Do you feel like you are the only one who is experiencing troubles with intimacy? The movies and shows on TV make it seem like a wife is so eager to make love with her husband. Your friends may talk about how much their wives want to make love. But, you can’t seem to relate…your wife does not want to have sex with you.
You may ask yourself: “Does she care?” “Does she know that I have needs?” “Am I not good enough?”
If you’re asking these questions, or feel frustrated by the lack of love-making in your marriage, you aren’t alone. We would like to share with you some specific research about this, but want to preface this- we are not saying that it’s your fault that your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you. That’s NOT our intent. Rather, when we share what we found, be honest with yourself in evaluating whether these apply. (And If they do, don’t panic!)
We’ll also share with you how you can turn things around so that you and your wife can enjoy lovemaking in amazing ways.
And remember, there is a correlation between sexual and marital satisfaction. If the love-making in your marriage is going well, it is likely that your marriage is going well (and vice versa).
First, we will discuss the research on sexual attraction. In an online survey, when asked if anything significantly reduces sexual attraction to their husband, the number one cause was relationship problems. The second cause was an unhappiness with the husband’s sexual techniques (also feeling pressured to make love.) The third cause was their husband’s lack of hygiene.
Next, we will discuss research on specific factors that negatively affected a wife’s sex drive. The number one reason was the husband’s sexual techniques. The second reason was relationship problems. The third reason was a husband’s sexual functioning or problems with participating in the sexual encounter (also that their husband wouldn’t get help for this problem).
If the sex itself is the main issue, Dr. Joe Beam has developed an online, educational course for the two of you to do together. Get The Spark and re-ignite the passion in your marriage!
Common questions
Why doesn’t my husband want to have sex with me?
In the research shared here, the top factors that lowered a husband’s sex drive were his wife’s sexual techniques, her lack of desire for sex, and her sexual inhibitions. That doesn’t mean it is your fault; it gives you something honest to look at.
Why doesn’t my wife want to have sex with me?
For wives, the number one thing that reduced sexual attraction to their husbands was relationship problems, followed by unhappiness with his sexual techniques or feeling pressured, and his lack of hygiene. The top factors that lowered a wife’s sex drive were her husband’s sexual techniques, relationship problems, and his sexual functioning.
Does a lack of sex mean something is wrong with my marriage?
Sexual satisfaction and marital satisfaction are connected: when lovemaking is going well, the marriage usually is too, and the reverse is also true. Relationship problems were the top reason both husbands and wives lost sexual attraction to their spouse.