Going through a separation or divorce can be a trying time. Unfortunately, there are many obstacles to navigate and not nearly enough positive resources to help. Marriage Helper can help you find your path by offering scientifically proven methods and solutions. Today on Relationship Radio, Gemma James talks with Lawrence from Kentucky, who is currently separated from his wife. Lawrence has used the tools and resources that Marriage Helper provides to continue to find hope in his situation.
How It Began
Lawrence and his wife met while attending Indiana University in Bloomington. He was studying for his master’s in art while his wife was getting her BA. Lawrence’s class was painting nude models that day, but he felt like that wasn’t for him. So, his teacher allowed him to paint a picture of the hallway. That’s where his wife saw him as she left her class, and a beautiful relationship began.
Lawrence was immediately attracted to her radiance, smile, and bubbly attitude. They had a lot in common, including their love for art. About five months later, on Valentine’s Day in a church parking lot in St. Joseph, Michigan, Lawrence proposed to his soon-to-be wife. The marriage has lasted now for 40 years, although they have been separated for the last three years.
A Busy Life Lead To Issues
Many smaller obstacles led to the separation. Lawrence had lost his job on several different occasions, adding financial stress. His wife was also upset when their oldest of three sons joined the Navy. Their two youngest sons turned to drugs. This split the family as Lawrence claims he was more of an enabler for them while his wife tried to use tough love. Their different approaches to the situation caused more of a rift between Lawrence and his wife. Both of their youngest sons were able to break free of drugs, though.
The life struggles continued to hit their marriage. Their middle son’s wife passed away, which led to him moving back home along with his two sons. Having an extra family living with them created more stress. His middle son would move in with them a couple of different times, including with a woman he had met after his wife died. Later on, Lawrence’s dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and his mother became sick, so he moved them down from upstate New York to live with them.
Starting A Business Together Added More Stress
Having his parents live with them inspired Lawrence’s wife to make a career change. She saw a need for adult daycare, so she went back to school at Kentucky University for her master’s in healthcare management. Together, they used an inheritance he had received and a loan from Kentucky Bank to get their business up and running. Unfortunately, the rent was high, and the turnout was low, so they were eventually forced to close the business. That led to even more financial hardships as the bank threatened to foreclose on their house and even took his car for a while.
Lawrence and his wife gave adult daycare another shot in a different location but were met with similar results. They then turned to home care. While they saw some success, the financial problems continued, and they were considering bankruptcy. During this time, Lawrence’s wife met a man who she felt could help the business. Over time, they developed a relationship that Lawrence feels has put them in a limerent relationship. They have kicked Lawrence out of the business and currently run it themselves.
The various stresses added to their lives drew Lawrence and his wife apart. These events had led to them losing their intimacy, time together, and ability to communicate effectively.
Reaching Out For Help
Lawrence believes that things happen for a reason and that God is in control. One of his three degrees is in Christian education, so his belief is strong. Even though his wife has been led astray, he still holds faith that their marriage can be healed because of his love for her and believes that the crazy-in-love drug feeling of limerence will wear off eventually, and she’ll come back.
Lawrence found Marriage Helper to guide him through this process. His first step was to enroll in the Save My Marriage Course, a 12-week program that teaches you how to act, interact, and react in a way that will change the trajectory of your marriage. He often still listens to the workshop while driving in his car to remind him of the things he needs to improve.
Marriage Helper has many other valuable resources available, many of which Lawrence has used. For example, he has gone through the Smart Contact Toolkit, which teaches you how to talk to your spouse, along with the Why Does My Spouse Hate Me Toolkit, that’s directed at dealing with anger and hate.
Through it all, Lawrence is working to become a better person for himself, not just to save his marriage. He attended one of our solo spouse workshops through Zoom, which allowed him to talk with others in similar situations as himself. All of these tools have helped him understand his situation better and will enable him to have hope that he can still save his marriage.
Finding Strength In Darkness
Lawrence has been able to use his time apart from his wife to work on himself and understand the situations that led to where he currently is. At Marriage Helper, we stress the term PIES, understanding your physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. All four of these areas are essential to a happy and healthy relationship. He has realized that he needs to step back and see himself more how others perceive him, and listen and understand more.
After three years of being separated, Lawrence still believes that he can save his marriage. He feels that his wife is nearing the end of her limerent relationship, but there are still obstacles to overcome. Her business is doing well, and she has improved her financial status. She’s enjoying a new lifestyle with the money that she has earned. There is still communication between the couple, and he’s realized how important it is not to argue or complain when he has the chance to talk with his wife. Instead, he intends to listen and understand her more.
No matter the circumstances in your marriage, there is always hope. Marriage Helper is here to provide you with assistance and direction in your time of need. Separation and divorce can be scary and uncertain times, but there are scientifically proven methods you can use to give your marriage a chance. If you’re not sure where to start in saving your marriage or bringing your spouse back, get our FREE mini-course here. You can also contact us here to speak with one of our Client Representatives who can direct you to the next best steps for your situation. If anything helps, this will.