This is a recast of an episode that originally aired on November 12, 2019.
Our live caller explains: My wife left, but she left based on false perceptions. For instance, she thought I was having an affair when I am not having an affair. And, when I ask her about the false perceptions, she doesn’t want to talk about it…
…and she doesn’t want to come back home, even though we set “boundaries” together beforehand.
Dr. Joe Beam asks this caller, “Does your wife thinks you’re controlling her?” The caller responds, “Yes, but I don’t think she has a correct perception.”
Dr. Joe Beam asks this caller to evaluate the following phrases he uses with his wife. First, he tells his wife she “is not understanding things correctly.” Second, he tells his wife she “shouldn’t feel a certain way.” Dr. Joe Beam asks this caller to consider how these phrases may make his wife feel like she’s wrong, and that he doesn’t understand her.
Dr. Joe Beam instructs this caller to listen. Even if he thinks his wife is wrong, she still needs to feel heard. That is, if this caller really wants to open up communication with his wife, she needs to know he’s TRULY hearing what she feels.
If people don’t feel understood, and can’t defend themselves, they can start to pull further away. So if you’re in this situation and want your spouse to come back, a good skill is to LISTEN to your spouse, trying to UNDERSTAND how your spouse feels. This is the kind of approach that can have an impact.
And, our Client Representatives and Coaches can help understand your perspective and guide you further. It can happen, and we’d love to help!
Relationship Radio is hosted by CEO of Marriage Helper, Kimberly Beam Holmes, and founder of Marriage Helper, Dr. Joe Beam.
Regardless of your situation, what we teach will not only make your relationships better, but will also help you to become the best version of yourself along the way.
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