how does a spouse feel after cheating

How does a spouse feel after cheating? Is it guilt, pain, indifference? How can we tell? 

If your spouse cheated on you, it might feel like they no longer love you. I mean, how could they if they did this to you, right? Affairs happen over a period of time. No one wakes up and decides to have an affair, nor does it mean they’re having the time of their lives. 

You’re feeling hurt and betrayal by your spouse and want to know what compelled them to do this to your marriage? Despite the weight of their actions, your spouse is feeling a mix of emotions inside. In reality, your spouse is not proud of their infidelity. If your spouse cheated on you, they hurt deep down and don’t know how to handle it. Read further to learn more about how a spouse feels after cheating, possible reasons for their infidelity, and managing your emotions for a better outcome.


Difficult Reasons Why People Cheat On Their Spouse

Your spouse may seem like the worst person in the world right now. They hurt you badly, and you’re not sure what to do next. How should you handle this situation? Should we try to work things out? Is marriage counseling the answer, or divorce each other for good? Your emotions are going 100 miles a minute, so the first step is to calm your mind. 

The cheating already happened, so it’s useless to dwell on the maybes and should-haves of your relationship. Instead of questioning, “how could my spouse do this?” Think about what was missing in your relationship to start the cheating. How does a spouse feel after infidelity? The majority of the time, it is guilt. Cheating happens because something is missing in a marriage, or they believe so. People often leave a marriage because they no longer feel liked, loved, or respected. Think about where you and your spouse fall in that scenario. If you can’t pinpoint any reason for their infidelity, sitting down and having an open, judgment-free conversation may give you the answers you need. Possible reasons for cheating include: 

  • Feeling a lack in the relationship 
  • Failure to meet a particular need
  • Grief
  • Past traumas
  • Internal pain
  • A sense of worthlessness
  • Vulnerability

Whether it’s a trigger from their past or present emotions, there’s a reason for everything.


How Vulnerability Opens The Door to Cheating on Your Spouse

Vulnerable. That’s how a spouse feels after cheating. Being vulnerable means, you are more susceptible to certain things and feelings around you. You want someone to communicate and understand you more. Life distractions, work stress, or a hostile environment makes an affair possible. An example of a hostile environment could be your spouse coming from a long day to arguments or irritating behaviors. 

Another example is feeling misunderstood. Your spouse once felt supported and connected to you, but time has changed that dynamic. An affair does not mean you did something wrong, nor are we blaming you for your affair. These are the choices your spouse made, and understanding the reasons brings awareness to your relationship. 

Vulnerability leads to the possibility when we feel more loved and accepted by others in our lives, like someone at the gym, or work, or a close friend. They begin to open up to that person and have deep conversations. They share intimate feelings, and before you know it, they confide in each other more and violate boundaries. Remember, that doesn’t mean your spouse is head over heels in love. They are hiding in secrecy, so the guilt and shame are still there. Limerence is the feeling of being in love and lasts between a couple of months to a few years. 


Limerence Causes Regret When A Spouse Cheats On You

Most people believe that having an affair is wrong. We promise to uphold certain morals when we get married, demonstrating love and long-term respect. Limerence clouds this judgment and causes us to violate our integrity. Chemistry and body chemicals are firing during an affair, creating a euphoric feeling. Once the meetings have ended, this euphoria is followed by agony and regret. Your spouse feels remorse for their actions and the harm they are causing you mentally and emotionally. Overall, whether the affair is ongoing has come to an end, your spouse is in pain for hurting you and being with this other person. 


How to Become a Better Person After Your Spouse Cheats on You

Your pain is just as significant as your spouse’s, and this article opens the thought to how a spouse feels after cheating. As we said before, cheating has already taken place. You can change nothing about your spouse’s choice, but you can do something about yourself. There are ways to become better for yourself and your marriage. Working on yourself means increasing your physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual aspects of yourself. Whether you want to forgive your spouse or not, their pain and your pain are real, so being there for each other is essential.

Marriages often come out stronger after overcoming a severe event like cheating. Work on becoming an emotionally safe place for your partner and creating a safe environment for you both to be honest with each other. At Marriage Helper, we call this building emotional endurance. If you want to understand your spouse’s actions more and learn how to fall back in love again, we have a free mini-course that teaches you how to get your spouse back. The road to happiness is long, but it’s not hopeless. Learn how to feel excellent about yourself and your relationship with our resources. 


Marriage Helper Helps You Understand How A Spouse Feels After Cheating 

It’s no secret that we believe in the power of love and reconciliation. There are many benefits to marriage that include longer life, better finances, increased mental health, and self-improvement. With all these marriage benefits, we know that no one is perfect. Everyone is human, and mistakes happen. Learning from your mistakes is the key to a better marriage and moving forward to a lifetime of happiness. At Marriage Helper, we have a record of saving over 4,000 marriages and counting. We believe that marriage is worth it, and although nothing is guaranteed, if anything works, this will

Contact us today to learn more about our marriage help tools and free materials

If your relationship is hurting from cheating, disconnection, or falling out of love, we want to help.