You want to be with your spouse, but your spouse doesn’t feel the same. It feels like the person that was once your best friend is now a stranger to you. You’ve tried everything in your power to change their mind, but they are fixed on their decision and planning on leaving. Can you do anything to stop this? Is there a way to put your marriage back together? Separating or divorcing your spouse is not easy, especially if you’re the one wanting to work on the relationship. If your spouse wants to leave you but you’re thinking, “I don’t want a divorce,” today’s episode of Relationship Radio discusses what to do if you are going through a divorce or you want your spouse back. We work through the basic principles to focus on if you wish to work things out with your spouse and stop the separation process.
If You Don’t Want a Divorce, Take These Steps To Better Yourself
If you wish to save your relationship because you don’t want a divorce the first thing we want to tell you is DO NOT PANIC. Divorce happens all the time. Yes, that is the last thing you want to hear, but we have seen many success stories that seemed hopeless. After working with thousands of couples in a decade, we have experienced couples that have come back to each other after years of being divorced or months of living in separate households. Things may seem hard now, but there is always hope. The key is to believe. Believe in the process, and after all the work you put in, you will be a brand new person for your marriage.
First Step If You Are Facing A Divorce: Do Not Panic
Panic is a natural human reaction. When we panic, our stress levels go up, and the automatic response to stop whatever it is that’s stressing us out. If your spouse is threatening to leave or divorce you, your reaction is doing everything in your power to stop them or convince them otherwise. This type of behavior may come across as controlling or manipulative to your spouse. We are not saying that you shouldn’t try to stop the divorce but think about it this way. When the pot is ready to boil over, the last thing you want to do is increase the temperature.
Your spouse already has this idea about you in their heads. If you try to guilt them with statements like “this will ruin our family, “you’re a horrible person,” or telling them, “NO, you are not going to do this.” This reinforces the negative ideas they have about you in their minds. Treading in a light and understanding manner will calm the tension and lower the heat of the situation. Look and examine your actions first if you don’t want a divorce.
Second Step If You Don’t Want a Divorce: Do Not Only Focus On Saving Your Marriage.
We know what you’re thinking, “What?!” Here’s what we mean. It’s not just about saving your marriage. Saving the marriage is a minor part of a bigger picture. In our panicked state, we will do anything possible to “fix our wrongs” You don’t want saving your marriage to be your primary mindset because it leads to hyper-focusing on that one thing. Your actions and reactions become fixed in this heightened state of “I need to do something, or else I’m going to lose my chance.” This strategy typically backfires because you’re on edge all the time. It leads to making bad decisions, exploding on your partner, or smothering them so much; they push you further away. Overanalyzing, over-interpreting, and overdoing it becomes a threat to you and your relationship.
How To Focus On You To Save Your Marriage
Focusing on yourself sounds like the opposite thing to do, but it’s the direct action to take if you don’t want a divorce. Concentrating on becoming a better you is the best way to fix your marriage problems. When we think of becoming a better you, we don’t mean the little things like cleaning or cooking more; we are talking about PIES—your physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual impact on your marriage. Increasing every aspect of PIES in your life is guaranteed to make you a better person for yourself and the people around you.
PIES teach the correct ways to treat your spouse regarding love, life, communication, interests, and more. At Marriage Helper, we encourage people to work on their PIES because it increases attraction to your partner and pulls your ex back towards you to the point of reconciliation. We talk about ways to improve your PIES to make a marriage last. We have many client stories that believed their marriage was over for good. Six months, two years, and even five years later, those same couples are back together. With the help of focusing on their PIES and effort to change, they found success for their future. Try our couples workshop if you want to find ways to better your marriage with your partner. Rest assured, our workshops will change you and your marriage for the better.
Marriage Habits That Lead To Divorce
Pushes and pulls are common phrases in marriage. A push is any behavior or action that pushes your spouse away from you. A pull is something that attracts them to you. You always want to decrease the pushes and increase the pulls in a rocky marriage. Examples of pushes include manipulation, controlling your spouse, not listening, repetitive or annoying behaviors, insecurities, lying, etc. The list goes on. Anything is a push if it pushes your spouse away from you instead of to you.
Pulls act as a way of attracting your spouse. Examples of pulls include better communication, being there for your spouse, understanding their emotions. In a divorce, examples of pulls may include calm speech, friendly behavior, less nagging, fewer arguments, a change in attitude, etc. Through PIES, you can decrease your pushes and increase your pulls. Remember that change is not an overnight strategy. There’s no magic formula or words that will bring your spouse back.
Avoid Romance and Concentrate On This Instead
If your spouse has filed for divorce, it is natural to reignite the flame after a while. Do not do this. Trying to ignite the passions you once had will only push your spouse further. The key is to attract your spouse towards you instead of forcing the feelings again. Focus on building a friendship instead of getting them back. This will allow your spouse to see the changes in you if you are actively working on your PIES and being a better individual. We offer ways to properly communicate with your spouse through our smart contract and art of attraction toolkits. These toolkits will demonstrate all the right ways of interacting with your spouse for a more desirable and attractive relationship.
Becoming the best you means evaluating yourself if you don’t want a divorce or are already divorced. It takes two to make or break a relationship. Asking yourself these questions will allow you to examine yourself and pause on specific thoughts before taking action.
Think About These Questions for Better Communication and a Healthier Relationship:
- Are there any changes I need to make?
- Are my actions part of why my spouse feels this way
- What would I need to apologize for or learn to improve if we make it work?
- What is the bigger picture of my relationship?
Save Your Marriage And Stop Divorce With Marriage Helper
You’re thinking, “I don’t want a divorce, “ and neither do we. At Marriage Helper, we dedicate our efforts and resources to helping couples stay married and saving their relationships. Marriage is not a walk in the park. We know this. We also know that marriage is worth it. Take a step back and analyze the part you played in your relationship. Did this behavior contribute to your problems? How can you improve this part of yourself? Focus on becoming a better you and working on your PIES to enhance all relationships in your life. Stay consistent even if things don’t feel perfect. Remain consistent in your growth and mindset. We offer youtube videos and podcast episodes for improving relationships and working things out with your spouse.
Check out our free mini-course if your marriage needs help right now and you don’t know what to do. Our mini-course teaches you how to get your spouse back. Contact us to learn more about how we can help you find happiness again.