Most of the time, if we get contacted by a couple where an affair has occurred, the partner who was cheated on asks us to help them understand if they should try to save the marriage. And if so, how? If the straying spouse is still out somewhere, is there some way to get them to return to the marriage? But, a certain number of calls we get are just the opposite, meaning we see a cheating spouse who wants to save the marriage. The spouse who cheated has now come to their senses and said, “Wow, I want to save the marriage. But my spouse either isn’t sure they want to, or they’ve made up their mind. No, they can never forgive me for what I did. So, is there any hope for putting my marriage back together?”
Actually, there is. And we’ll talk about that on this episode of Relationship Radio.
Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?
There’s a saying that goes, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” But from what we see here at Marriage Helper, that often isn’t true. Although, sometimes, it can be true. Sometimes, a cheater is always a cheater, but not all the time, not even most of the time.
We believe from our research and experience that even a cheating spouse can come to their senses, return to the marriage, and the union can still be good. Often, the marriage is even better than before the affair occurred. But, of course, it’s counterintuitive to think that way. “Wait a minute. After a thing like being cheated on, the marriage can be stronger and better than before?” Yes. But not because of the cheating. No, because of what each person learned due to the affair.
So don’t think, “Oh well, I’ll go out and cheat to improve my marriage.” That’s idiotic. It’s a painful, terrible process to go through. It hurts quite a bit. But people can get past it, the person can be faithful for the rest of their life, and the marriage can be good.
If You Are The One Who Cheated
If you are the one who cheated, it’s good that you’re reading this. You are coming to a place of saying, “What can I do to put the marriage back together?” The other side of it is that a spouse was cheated on. And ultimately, it is their right to decide whether they want to reconcile or not. Now, we hope that they will come and give a listening ear to Marriage Helper. We have a lot of great material and resources for that person to help them work towards wanting to reconcile the marriage. Because again, we believe that every marriage can be saved. But ultimately, it is their right.
If you push them to do it or guilt them to put the marriage back together, it will work against you. But sometimes, that happens. We hear people say, “Look, you’re a Christian. And because of the morals by which you live, you have to forgive me and take me back. Things will be okay.” If you use that approach to put your marriage back together, the odds of you putting your marriage back together are slim to none.
We Can Help
So if you’re genuinely sorry for what you did, is it possible to put the marriage back together? And the answer is yes. We have worked with thousands of couples where one has cheated. Many of those couples put the marriage back together, and it’s better today than before. So that can happen for you. But the affair has to stop, right? And if your spouse is going to forgive you, you have to own up to what you did. And if they decide to forgive you, you still have to be patient about working through the process of restoring the marriage. Don’t imagine it’s going to heal instantaneously. Saving and repairing a relationship takes time.
The best way to begin repairing your marriage and putting it on the right path to reconciliation is to attend one of our Marriage Helper Workshops. Our couples workshop can help you see what went wrong, improve your communication, and set your marriage on the right path. If you can’t get your spouse to attend right now, we also have a solo spouse workshop for you to being changing yourself and your marriage.
We also have a FREE mini-course about how to get your spouse back for those who aren’t sure where to start. Whatever your marriage is going through, we want to help.