Caught Cheating: What To Do When You’ve Been Found Out
The short answer
If you’ve been caught cheating, slow down before you decide to leave. Many people who had an affair feel so guilty that they think they can’t repair the harm, so they reach for divorce even though they want the marriage to work. Take time to think about what you really want, because couples can forgive, strengthen their marriage and build something better than before.
Key takeaways
- If you’ve been caught cheating, take time to decide what you really want before you choose to stay or leave.
- Many people who had an affair reach for divorce out of guilt, not because they don’t want the marriage, but because they doubt they can repair the harm.
- Cheating can be a sign that you aren’t sure what you want in life, which is worth thinking through before deciding about your marriage.
- Couples really can forgive an affair, strengthen their marriage, and build something better than they had before.
So, you did what most people would call a mistake. Yet, you know it wasn’t a mistake. You knew what you were doing. You cheated on your spouse. Now you’ve been caught cheating, and you’re trying to decide, what do I do next?
Do I try to put the marriage back together? Is it possible to put it back together? Or should I just go ahead and leave because of what’s happened? Those are important questions to discuss.
Most of the time, we hear from the person trying to decide whether or not they want to stay in the marriage. In other words, the spouse who caught their spouse cheating; we hear from them a lot more.
But we do hear from people who say, “I was the one who cheated; the one who went out on my spouse. I did what I shouldn’t have done.” And so, to those people, I think we have a very good message to help you understand the path forward. Because the fact that you did cheat may be you saying, “I’m not sure what I want in life.”
If that is the person listening to this, then we want to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time to think about this and make a good decision. We have worked with a lot of people in the past where they have been the one who had an affair, but because they feel so guilty about it, they feel like they can’t undo the pain and the harm that they’ve caused.
There’s this feeling of, “Let me move on, let me go ahead and do the divorce.” Not because they don’t want to try and make it work. They just don’t think they can repair the harm that they’ve done. But what we have seen so many times is that people really can forgive what has occurred, strengthen their marriage, and move forward to have something better than they ever had before.
You’re trying to make up your mind. What will you do next?
In this episode of Relationship Radio, Dr. Joe Beam and Kimberly Holmes cover what to do when you’ve been caught cheating on your spouse.
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Common questions
Is it possible to fix a marriage after I cheated?
Yes. Marriage Helper has seen many times that people really can forgive what happened, strengthen their marriage and move forward to have something better than they ever had before.
Why do I want a divorce after I cheated?
Often it’s guilt. Many people who had an affair feel they can’t undo the pain and harm they caused, so they want to move on, not because they don’t want to try, but because they don’t think they can repair it.
What does it mean that I cheated on my spouse?
It may be your way of saying you aren’t sure what you want in life. Take the time to think that through so you can make a good decision about your marriage.