Unsure what the problem is in your marriage? Maybe you are unhappy but can’t quite place your finger on it…Or maybe your spouse is the one who wants out. Either way, let’s help you figure it out and save your marriage.
It can be completely overwhelming to know where to start [...]
Sometimes I think people are looking for the “right words” to pray, kind of like a “magic prayer for God to save their marriage.” But prayer just doesn’t work that way... Maybe you are a believer, looking for some encouragement. Or maybe you aren’t a believer and you are just looking for hope- maybe you heard others talk about prayer and you are desperate enough to try anything right now. No matter which situation you are coming from and no matter what situation your marriage is in, I want to give you some hope.
The other night, as I was pouring a glass of red wine, I asked my husband, “Do you EVER struggle with anxiety?” In a kind of sarcastic tone… It had been one of those days. Which, in this day and age, seems to be every day. Right? The news was all terrible. Social media was a cluster. Everyone was losing their minds… (myself probably included.) The kids’ school had been cancelled for two weeks, there was a lot of noise in the house, and we couldn’t go anywhere because everything was shut down. And my anxiety was THROUGH THE ROOF.
Dr. Joe Beam: Kimberly, I want to talk about one thing today which lends to your area of psychology. When we work with couples who are dealing with marriage difficulties, often we'll find that one, if not both of the spouses, would be depressed. I've actually got a definition here from the American Psychiatric Association website. Let's talk about how it affects relationships and particularly with marriage difficulties. According to the American Psychiatric Association, depression is a major depressive disorder. That seems redundant somehow, doesn't it?
Kimberly Holmes: At Marriage Helper, we have been able to work with thousands of couples from around the world. We've been able to see the intimate details a lot of times, of what ended up causing (or leading up to) the crisis they ended up having in their marriage. In fact, a lot of times a crisis that happens in a marriage, is predicated by some kind of loss in one or both of the spouses' lives.
One of Jim’s clients called him extremely distressed, saying, “Jim, I need to talk to you RIGHT now. This is an emergency.” As they began to speak, Jim learned that his client’s wife had just contacted him one day ago, saying, “I am filing for divorce.” It’s a total shock- when your spouse tells you they are filing for divorce it’s definitely a traumatic life event.
You shouldn’t have… but you did. You went looking through your spouse’s stuff and stumbled upon something that shocked you. Or maybe you want to snoop... you think your spouse is hiding something!
Here at Marriage Helper, we’ve worked with thousands of couples in many different marriage situations. From control issues, to affairs, to communication issues… whatever the situation may be, we’ve discovered that there are some foundational things that are happening in the majority of marriages we work with. Most of the time, there are behaviors that one spouse is doing that are working against the marriage.
Sexual rejection not only affects how you feel about your sex life- it affects how you feel about your marriage. In fact, Dr. Joe Beam earned his PhD studying the correlation between marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction. There is a world-wide consensus among researchers and therapists that marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction are strongly connected.
You probably never meant for it to happen. It’s not as if you went looking for a lover. However, once you fell in love with someone else other than your spouse, things got rather intense. You’re already in what some refer to as an emotional affair. Perhaps you've gone further and the relationship has turned physical.
