how to win back your husband or wife

If you want to win back your husband or wife, this is for you. If you’re thinking, “You don’t understand. My marriage is too far gone. They’re too angry. They’re too disconnected. It’s hopeless.” Then I’m going to tell you I disagree.

I don’t believe that any marriage is hopeless. On the contrary, most marriages can be saved, even if it seems impossible right now.

Why do I believe this? Over the past 20 years, Marriage Helper has seen over 250,000 people go through our courses, workshops, and training. In addition, we have seen over 70% of the marriages that we work within our workshops saved. Even the craziest situations can be turned around.

We’ve seen the most disconnected spouses saved, the ones that were only coming to our workshop for the divorce papers to be signed, only for co-parenting, or only for last-ditch efforts.

So even though you might feel like it’s impossible, I believe there’s hope.

I want to share a couple of quick things that you can start doing that hopefully lead you toward bringing your spouse back.

Here’s the thing. This stuff works. I’ve seen it work thousands of times with thousands of people in different situations. But here’s the thing. It’s not a guarantee. I’m not going to be one of those people saying, “Here’s the one phrase you need to say for your spouse to come running back into your arms and lusting after you for the rest of your life.” No. It’s not any false guarantee, but it is a guarantee that: If anything can work to get your spouse to start coming back to you, then this will, and this can.

I’m excited to share that with you today.


“Soften” Toward Your Spouse

The first thing that you can do in this situation is to soften.

Soften? What in the world does that mean? Here’s what that means.

Our minds are the most essential part of our bodies. Whatever we’re thinking about, whatever we believe, or whatever we’re meditating on, our thoughts change everything else about us. They can change our body language. They can change our tone of voice, words, and actions.

All because of what we think about in our minds.

So, if right now you’re thinking about how:

  • angry you are at your husband or wife
  • hurt you are
  • how much you can’t believe that this happened
  • guilty you feel as if you should have been able to do something to stop this from happening

All of those thoughts affect you. They will affect your actions, reactions, and interactions with your husband or wife. And a lot of those things can make us angry. They can make us emotional.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t have these emotions. It is okay to be hurt, angry, or sad. But when you let those emotions control everything about you, it can affect how you interact with your spouse.

You may reach a point where you start pushing them away by your actions, such as yelling at them and attacking them every chance you get. Maybe even telling them, “I can’t believe you disconnected from me,” or, “why are you treating me this way?” These behaviors can inadvertently push them away.

Or maybe, it’s the opposite.

You are so upset, hurt, and in so much pain because of what they’ve done that every interaction you have with your spouse is you crying or moping.

Or, you do something to try and get them to come back, but it pushes them further away. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have these feelings, but you need to deal with them healthily.

You want to soften your feelings about your husband or your wife so you can clear your mind and have positive communication with them.

Why It’s Helpful To Forgive

Another thing you want to do is to be able to forgive what has happened.

For example, if your spouse had an affair, lied to you about something, or has been an addiction, it can be very easy to hold a grudge against your spouse.

It can be effortless to use those actions as ammunition against your spouse because you feel like you got the short end of the stick. But, if you continue to bring those things up, if you continue to hold those grudges, or if you continue to throw something back in your spouse’s face, you will push them further away. So, instead, you want to forgive. While it’s not always easy, you want to be willing to forgive.

Stop Pursuing Your Spouse

You also don’t want to pursue your spouse. What does that mean?

You don’t want to chase them. You Don’t want to beg, whine, plead, or cry. And you don’t want to do things focused on getting them to stay (which will push them further away).

No one wants to experience begging. We all want our spouses to pursue us in healthy ways. Think about when you feel like someone’s trying to suffocate you, cage you in, or keep you in one place; no one likes feeling controlled in that way.

Instead of pursuing, you want to work on yourself. At Marriage Helper, we have something called the PIES–working on yourself Physically, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Spiritually. So those are what you want to start working on during this time.

You can learn more about the PIES in our Save My Marriage Membership. That’s the best way to use your time while trying to win back your husband or wife.

Stay Strong

Lastly, don’t give up.

Hear This: You will experience two steps forward and one step back while trying to win your spouse back.

Some days, it may feel impossible. Other days, it may feel like you see some progress. But ultimately, no matter if it’s going well or if it’s going badly, you want to stay the course. Don’t give up.

We Can Help You

At Marriage Helper, we can help you learn more about how to win back your husband or wife. But, in this article, I only scratched the surface of all the things you can do to win back your husband or wife.

If you want more guidance right now, you can fill out this form to speak with one of our Client Representatives to learn about the next best steps for your situation. For more on saving your marriage, you can also download the FREE eBook, “The 7 Keys To Fix Your Marriage.”