If you’re asking yourself… “Am I a fool? Was taking them back a mistake?” It’s probably because you feel like you have been so hurt, betrayed, or lied to that you don’t know what to believe anymore.
Part of you is struggling because you’re saying, “I want my marriage to work. I still love my spouse, even if I don’t necessarily like what they’re doing right now. I’m frustrated.”
But there are people in your life telling you that you need to give up. You need to move on. You need to be happy.
And so you feel like maybe you’re being taken as a fool. Like the wool has been put over your eyes, and you’ve been led to believe so many false things.
You are not alone if that is what you’re thinking.
I promise you. If you feel that way, I understand. So many of the people we have worked with at Marriage Helper, thousands upon thousands of people have felt the same way until they found that in reality, while things have happened in their relationship that have not been great, have not been ideal.
They have been lied to. They have gone through situations that no one would wish to have to go through in their relationship. What they really found was that when they began to do the right things for themselves and take off the expectation of making a decision about the marriage right now. And began focusing on themselves and focusing on if they could forgive their spouse. That peace came to them, whether their spouse came back or not.
They no longer felt like they were a fool.
Instead, they understood that this was something that was making them a better person, even though it was not what they would want to happen. It’s not what they deserve to happen by any stretch of the imagination. They turned this negative situation and began to see the positive from it. It’s amazing how many people from that have ended up actually saving their marriage.
Because you see, what happens when a marriage begins to break apart most of the time is that there’s one person who’s being pulled away from the marriage by something that they feel is more enticing, or they may be being pushed out of the marriage by the actions of the other spouse in the marriage.
Maybe that’s where your spouse is right now. There’s something pulling them out like an affair, an addiction, gambling, or something work-life, or even just the need to want to be alone. Maybe there’s something that you have done unintentionally with the best of intentions, not with the intentions of pushing them away, but has ended up pushing them away anyway. Perhaps it’s just been the way that you two have been fighting with each other, the lack of communication, the lack of sex, or the lack of having romance anymore.
Maybe all of these things combined have ended up unintentionally pushing your spouse out of the marriage.
Now you’re in a position where you’re saying, “I feel like I want to make this work, but I just don’t know what to do next.”
Well, here’s what I can assure you of:
You’re not a fool for wanting to make your marriage work!
I think it shows that you are strong, that you are wise, that you are mature because you’re willing to look in the face of adversity and look at what is happening and what has happened to you.
You’re willing to forgive, willing to see that there could be a better future for you and your spouse, and you’re willing to see that things don’t have to stay the way that they are. That doesn’t make you a fool. That makes you a good person, not a fool.
You might be a fool by the world’s standards, but please don’t measure yourself by the world’s standards.
If you are willing to do the things to make love come back to, reignite love, show your spouse that you still care for them, even if they’re not acting in a way that makes you want to act that way towards them right now, then you are a good person.
So where do you go from here?
You’re not a fool. You want to make this work. I believe that you can because what we have taught people to do at marriage helper has been to do this.
We have taught people how to take a marriage that seems completely unsalvageable, where everyone else has told them there’s no hope or the person who was wanting to save it is questioning whether they want it to be saved. You’re in a good spot.
At Marriage Helper, we can help you move forward.
Our Affair Recovery Toolkit helps you understand why your spouse had an affair and what you can do to fix it. It will help you regain your composure, your strength, and your dignity.
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