Not all counselors believe that you should stay married. This statement may surprise you, but you should consider that not all counselors are pro-marriage. And sometimes, they may say something that goes against what you want. You know this, though, because your counselor, to your shock, has said that you should divorce. So what now? At Marriage Helper, we still believe that you can save your marriage. So here’s what you need to know if your marriage counselor gave bad advice and says your marriage is over.
You Can Disagree
First and foremost, you don’t have to agree. Most Marriage and Family Therapists are well-meaning and good. But unfortunately, some may recommend divorce, even if it is not something you want. This advice can come from their own bias, something they’ve seen in their own life, or maybe their marriage that ended in divorce.
It can also be because they are trying to comply with some rules and regulations that therapists and counselors must follow to help both people get what they want from a counseling session. And in very rare situations, it may be because divorce is what’s best. So a counselor may say to divorce because it’s what is best for the situation. However, I do not think that a counselor should ever tell you to get a divorce.
In our experience at Marriage Helper, most marriages (99% or more) can be saved. So we would never tell someone to get a divorce. But we always understand that if that is the choice you end up making, we support you in that decision. But first, we just wanted to show you that there can be another way. So the first thing to remember is you don’t have to agree. You don’t have to agree with your counselor that divorce is inevitable.
This Is Common
I was hosting a webinar just a couple of weeks ago, and I asked this question: “How many of you have had a situation with a counselor that has not gone well?” And I had so many people respond with, “The counselor on the first session said that we should go ahead and separate.” I am constantly shocked when people say this has been their experience.
When I trained as a Marriage and Family Therapist and did some of my practicums, there were tricky and complicated situations. But never once would I look at those couples and say they should divorce. I believe that a counselor or therapist’s job is to see marriages saved if at all possible. But there are many different lines of thought out there. Counselors and therapists all subscribe to various ways of counseling and therapy. And so you need to understand that and realize you don’t have to agree.
Remember that this is your life and your decision. The decision impacts you, not your counselor. Whatever you decide, you need to do it because you believe it is the right thing for you. So the third thing you need to do is stop going to this counselor if you haven’t already. You don’t have to keep going; you can stop. Especially if you don’t agree with what they are telling you to do.
Get Help From The Right People
The fourth thing you need to do is find help from someone pro-marriage like we are at Marriage Helper. We believe that no matter what has happened, there is hope, and we can help you.
The fifth thing for you to do is to regain hope. When we look at the psychology of hope, it comes down to two things. Hope is when someone has a vision of how things can be different and how they plan to get there. When you understand those two things, that is what gives someone hope, and we can help you with that. And it can start in our mini-course.
This FREE mini-course is the perfect next step if you want to learn how to save your marriage. And you can get significant takeaways in less than 30 minutes.