The Rejected Spouse
“I have a strong desire for sexual fulfillment. How can my husband think that because he doesn’t want it, I don’t need it?! I DO need it.”
“I keep asking my wife to make love with me, but she refuses. She says she’s too tired, doesn’t feel well, or she says I’m too focused on sex–that I’m a sex addict.”
Sexual rejection not only affects how you feel about your sex life–it affects how you feel about your marriage. Dr. Joe Beam earned his Ph.D. studying the correlation between marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction. Researchers and therapists have a worldwide consensus that marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction are strongly connected.
Making love with your spouse is a critical component of your relationship and connection to one another.
If you feel sexually rejected by your spouse, we have three specific suggestions.
Consider What You Desire From Your Spouse Sexually
Is what you desire within your spouse’s physical capabilities, within their beliefs and values?
Consider How To Approach Your Spouse
Next, consider how you approach your spouse about what you desire sexually (and why). It’s essential to find the right time and setting to have this conversation. You need to explain how you feel and not attack your spouse.
You Might Need Professional Help
Maybe what you desire is within your spouse’s capabilities and morals. If you are open with them about what you want, how you feel, and how your spouse’s cooperation would make you feel, and your spouse still rejects you sexually, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. (This may include abuse, rape, or past relationships that still affect your spouse today.)
If your spouse does not want to get help, consider how you approach them about this. Ask that your spouse does this for you as well as for themself. Be supportive.
The Rejecting Spouse
Does your spouse say, “You aren’t fulfilling me sexually”? Or, “If you really loved me, you would want to make love with me.”
If so, you probably have a reason why you are refusing sex. Are you refusing sex because you aren’t interested in doing what your spouse wants to do sexually? Or are you not interested in having it as often as they would like?
Whatever the reason may be, if you want to make love, that is your right. And, if you don’t want to make love, that is also your right.
However, if your spouse is genuinely sexually unfulfilled, and you refuse to be a vital part of their sex life, your marriage could end. How can we say this?!
Dr. Joe Beam earned his Ph.D. studying the correlation between marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction. Researchers and therapists have a worldwide consensus that marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction are strongly connected.
Over time, sexual rejection feels like a personal rejection. Your spouse may be wondering: “Am I not good enough?” Or, “Do you not love me?” This situation is unfortunate because, at the core, sex is a deeply personal connection with your spouse. It is a loving connection, a longing to be one with someone who also wants to be one with you.
So, what is the best approach? Here are three suggestions.
Timing Is Important
Analyze when it’s a good thing to reject sexually and when it may NOT be a good thing to do. Consider the physical, emotional, and moral well-being of yourself and your spouse.
Communicate With Your Spouse
Speak from your heart. Listen. Talk about what you FEEL and explain why. Offer alternatives.
Have sensitivity toward the sexual difficulties between you two because of your past or spouse’s past. Be supportive.
If you know or heavily suspect that sexual issues in your marriage originate from problems in your relationship, please get in touch with us. We will connect you with the best resources that can help.
For more Marriage Helper content, visit our YouTube Channel.