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Sexual Rejection’s Effect on a Marriage: The Rejected Spouse

“I have a strong desire for sexual fulfilment. How can my husband think that because he doesn’t want it, that I don’t need it?! I DO need it.”

“I keep asking my wife to make love with me, but she refuses. She says she’s too tired, she doesn’t feel well, or she says I’m too focused on sex- that I’m a sex addict.”

Sexual rejection not only affects how you feel about your sex life- it affects how you feel about your marriage. In fact, Dr. Joe Beam earned his PhD studying the correlation between marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction. There is a world-wide consensus among researchers and therapists that marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction are strongly connected.

Making love with your spouse is a critical component of your relationship and connection to one another.

If you feel sexually rejected by your spouse we have three specific suggestions. First consider what you desire from your spouse sexually. Is what you desire within his/her physical capabilities; within his/her beliefs and values?

Next, consider how you approach your spouse about what you desire sexually (and why). It’s important to find the right time and setting to have this conversation. You need to explain how you FEEL and not attack your spouse.

Finally, if what you desire is within your spouse’s capabilities and morals; if you are open with them about what you want, how you feel, and how your spouse’s cooperation would make you feel, and your spouse still rejects you sexually, it may be beneficial to seek out professional help. (This may include abuse, rape, or past relationships that still affect your spouse today.)

If your spouse does not want to get help, consider once again how you approach him or her about this. Ask that your spouse does this for you as well as for him/herself. Be supportive.

Sexual rejection can be fixed and you and your spouse can move towards having a fulfilling sex life. The Spark can help you and your spouse navigate these difficult conversations and have a better sex life than you ever imagined. Click here to get The Spark now!

Part 2

Sexual Rejection’s Effect on a Marriage: The Rejected Spouse

Does your spouse say, “You aren’t fulfilling me sexually.” Or, “If you really loved me, you would want to make love with me.”

If so, you probably have a reason why you are refusing sex. Are you refusing sex because you aren’t interested in doing what they want to do sexually- or you aren’t interested in having it as often as they would like?

Whatever the reason may be if you want to make love, that is your right. And, if you don’t want to make love, that is also your right.

However, if your spouse is truly, sexually unfulfilled, and you refuse to be a vital part of their sex life, your marriage could end. How can we say this?! Dr. Joe Beam earned his PhD studying the correlation between marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction. There is a world-wide consensus among researchers and therapists that marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction are strongly connected.

Over time, sexual rejection feels like personal rejection. Your spouse may be wondering: “Am I not good enough?”…“Do you not love me?” This is unfortunate, because at the core, sex is a deeply personal connection with your spouse. It is a loving connection; a longing to be one with someone who also wants to be one with you.

So, what is the best approach? Here are three suggestions:

Analyze when it’s a good thing to reject sexually and when it may NOT be a good thing to do. Consider the physical, emotional, and moral well being of yourself and your spouse.

Communicate with your spouse. Speak from your heart. Listen. Talk about what you FEEL and explain why. Offer alternatives.

Have sensitivity toward the sexual difficulties between you two because of your past, or your spouse’s past. Be supportive.

If you know, or heavily suspect, that sexual issues in your marriage are based out of problems in your relationship, please contact us. We will connect you with the best resource that can help.