What things can you do to motivate your spouse to attend our Workshop for marriages in trouble?
What kinds of things can you tell your spouse that may motivate him to attend the workshop? Here are just a few (note that I phrase them in such a way as to allow the reluctant spouse to realize benefits even is s/he has no desire at this point to salvage the marriage):
1. Learn the Basics of a Good Relationship
The workshop educates you about essential elements of a good relationship – covering principles that many people haven’t been taught in life or that they don’t understand the power of. That is extremely beneficial to both of you even if you decide that relationship will not be with each other.
THE BENEFIT TO EACH OF YOU: You will have deeper happiness and better relationships.
2. Learn How to Co-Parent
If you have children, the principles you’ll learn about how to communicate without hurting each other further and how to get along peacefully will be of extreme value to co-parenting. We don’t teach parenting principles per se, but showing you how to remove conflict from your interactions is crucial to your children’s emotional well-being. Even though the marriage may end, your family never will.
THE BENEFIT TO EACH OF YOU: Your children will know that you truly love them. They will have a better future than they will if you don’t learn to do this.
3. Learn How to Compromise
We share a methodology for compromising when you disagree with each other so that neither one of you loses. (This also helps with co-parenting, as well as in many other areas you will face together…or separately.)
THE BENEFIT TO EACH OF YOU: You will never be taken advantage of again because you will know how to get what is important to you.
4. It Helps You – No Matter What
The workshop also leads you to understand more about you – your personality, your dreams, your inner peace, and your future.
THE BENEFIT TO EACH OF YOU: You will love yourself in the best kind of way. Your self-esteem, confidence, and inner strength will take you to a better life.
5. Understand the Future
The workshop will help you think clearly about your future, no matter what path you intend to take. You will understand the benefits and consequences of any decision.
THE BENEFIT TO EACH OF YOU: Your future will be far better. You will guide your life in the best way for you.
6. Get Out of a Rut
We show you the power of your dreams, and how you can use that to move forward in life no matter what happens.
THE BENEFIT TO EACH OF YOU: You can harness the power of a life altering dream so that you have a life well-lived and well-loved.
7. Experience the Power of Forgiveness
We explain how you can get past your hurt, loose chains of anger that negatively affect you, and even learn to forgive and trust again if you choose to do so.
THE BENEFIT TO EACH OF YOU: You will find a peace deep within yourself, no matter what you have done or what has been done to you.
As you would understand, each person participating in the workshop has the opportunity to gain all that is mentioned above, but whether s/he does is dependent on whether they apply in life the powerful principles s/he learns.
What if you share this information and your spouse still has reluctance to attend the workshop?
Reassure your spouse that we do not twist anyone’s arm to stay married nor do we manipulate things. The reluctant spouses who come can tell you that we treated them with respect and did not try to coerce them to stay married.
So why is the workshop effective if we don’t do that?
It’s because we explain so many crucial things in ways by not only presenting the principles but illustrating them clearly though stories of real people. Usually the real people are the ones leading the workshop. And very, very often the reluctant spouse identifies with one or more of the leaders because they hear “their story” in our stories.
For example, two men and one woman who lead the workshop have been involved in limerent affairs. Those who are there who have come out of, those who are in the latter stages of limerence, those in the middle of limerence, and those in the early stages of limerence very often hear “their story” from these members of our team and realize that we truly understand.
Additionally, one man and one woman who lead the workshop are the spouses who were cheated on. Those who are there who have been hurt by their spouse’s affair have people to whom they can relate and who understand the hurt, the fear, the tough process of forgiving, learning to trust again, and more.
Asking Your Spouse to Come
So if you ask your spouse to come, tell him that there are people there who understand, who have been in his shoes, who are NOT self-righteous now because they’ve gotten past that period, but who are very compassionate and understanding because they’ve walked in their shoes.
You may wish to ask your spouse to watch this video made especially for people reluctant to come to the workshop. http://your.marriagehelper.com/unsure/marriage-workshop
Often people offer a trade to get their spouses to attend our Workshop. Some go so far as to agree to sign the divorce papers after the workshop if the reluctant spouse attends. Others offer concessions the spouse has asked for in their separation or divorce. If you were to make a bargain for your spouse to come (I’ll do this if you do that), make sure that the bargain is that s/he will show up AND that s/he will participate. Very often, a spouse has come just to get the divorce and after participating in the workshop for three days changes his/her mind and decides to work on the marriage. However, that doesn’t always happen. Therefore, if you offer a trade, be sure it is something you are willing to give if after the workshop you spouse doesn’t want to salvage the marriage. If you make the offer and then don’t keep your word, things get worse in a hurry.
The Marriage Helper Workshop holds a success rate of saving 3 out of 4 marriages.