Is it possible to love two people at the same time? This age-old question might seem straightforward, but the answer is deeply layered, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. At Marriage Helper, we’ve encountered countless individuals grappling with this emotional quandary. Let’s unpack this together.

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Love isn’t a one-size-fits-all concept. Just as you might love your children differently based on their unique traits, you can experience love differently with various romantic partners. Love can be:

1. Deep and Established: This often describes a long-term relationship or marriage. It is a love built on shared experiences, emotional depth, and years of commitment.

2. New and Exciting: This often characterizes a love affair, fueled by novelty, attraction, and the thrill of secrecy.

While these forms of love can coexist, they are not identical. One thrives on stability; the other often thrives on intensity.

A crucial aspect of this topic is understanding limerence—a state of intense emotional infatuation that feels like love but is often temporary. Limerence can make someone feel deeply connected to a new person while still holding affection for their spouse. As Dr. Joe Beam explains, limerence often creates a distorted sense of reality, driving people to prioritize their affair over their marriage.

But here’s the truth: limerence fades. It’s not sustainable, and the emotional high it brings will eventually diminish. That’s why understanding the stages of limerence can be transformative for couples navigating an affair.

At Marriage Helper, we focus on helping people make values-driven decisions rather than emotion-driven ones. If you’re caught in a love triangle, here’s what we recommend:

1. Focus on Becoming the Best You

Using our PIES model (Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Spiritual), we guide individuals to improve their overall well-being. This not only boosts self-esteem but also increases their attractiveness to their spouse.

2. Practice Smart Contact

Avoid behaviors that push your spouse further away. Instead, create a safe space for open, judgment-free communication. This can be especially effective if you’re the spouse waiting for your partner to leave an affair.

3. Understand the Dynamics of Limerence

Limerence thrives on fear and novelty. By staying consistent, kind, and emotionally available, you can outlast your partner’s limerent relationship.

4. Know When to Set Boundaries

If the situation is causing significant emotional or physical harm, it’s essential to set boundaries. Your well-being and that of your children should never be compromised.

We’ve seen countless marriages saved, even in the aftermath of an affair. One example is Ren and Adele, a couple who overcame incredible odds. Through perseverance and the tools provided by Marriage Helper, they rebuilt their relationship—even while navigating the painful reality of limerence. Ren credits Adele’s unwavering commitment to being a “safe place” as the key to their reconciliation.

If you’re navigating the complexities of loving two people, or if your spouse is in an affair, remember: this doesn’t have to be the end of your story. Healing and reconciliation are possible, but they require intentionality, patience, and a commitment to personal growth.

Need help? Explore our workshops, resources, and membership. Let us guide you toward clarity and the possibility of a stronger, healthier marriage.

Ready to take back control of your marriage? Click here to sign up for our membership to start putting your marriage back together this holiday season. Don’t wait—your future is worth it.