Standing For Your Marriage Alone

It IS possible to stand for your marriage alone. 

Now, it might seem impossible, it might seem crazy, (and you might not know where to start) but it can just take one spouse wanting to save the marriage to actually start saving the marriage.

But what more can you do? Where do you start!?

Here’s Where To Start…

First, you can’t stay where you are- you need to STAND! You need to be strong and grounded even when life doesn’t go your way; even if your spouse is cold or distant. And you need to do something to create change- even just within yourself.

Start by knowing you can’t “force” your spouse to change. You can’t control your spouse.

You can’t force them to stay or talk. You can’t cry or plead or beg enough for them to stop what they are doing. 

Start by getting up and focusing on what you can do to move forward.

Don’t throw a never-ending pity party. You have to get out of your pajamas, your house, and your freezer full of ice cream and start focusing on what you can do to move forward. 

Yes, your marriage is important- we believe this wholeheartedly and want to help you save your marriage- but it is not the only thing that brings value to your life. You are still a father, mother, son, daughter, friend, co-worker, boss. Don’t forget that there are people that need you!

When you’re only focused on what’s going wrong… when you’re anxious, when you’re depressed, you can lose sight of people around you and you can lose sight of what you can start doing.

Those Who SAVED Their Marriage Had One Thing In Common

The people we’ve worked with who have SAVED their marriage had one thing in common: one spouse wanted out of the marriage but the other spouse, wanting to save it:

  • Stuck with it long enough 
  • Was willing to make changes
  • And actually made the lasting changes within him/herself

We’ve worked with every marriage situation you can imagine, and have seen the marriage SAVED.

For the marriage where there were years, DECADES, of conflict and seemingly no hope? 

We’ve seen that marriage saved.

For the marriage where one spouse (or both of the spouses) had affairs OR were STILL in love with the affair partner? 

We’ve seen these marriages saved.

For the marriage where an affair caused a pregnancy? 

We’ve seen that marriage saved.

For the marriage where one spouse was controlling the other spouse and the marriage hit a breaking point? 

We’ve seen that marriage saved.

For the marriage where they’ve been living like roommates and completely lost their attraction and intimacy toward one another? 

We’ve seen that marriage saved.

 

In all of these situations, one spouse was willing to stand and made it possible for the two of them to come back together.

Here’s What You Can Do: 

1. Get calm so you won’t react in a frazzled state. 

Get calm so you can react with strength and dignity. Get rid of all of the noise and all the negative influences in your life (people, social media, t.v., etc.) Get calm by taking deep breaths, or go exercise to burn off steam.

2. Get focused and recenter yourself. 

Get focused and recenter yourself. Do the RIGHT things to move forward. What are the “right things”?

  • Work on yourself; work on your PIES & Get the PIES of Attraction Bootcamp.
  • Stop doing things that “push” your spouse away and start using SMART contact to establish POSITIVE communication. Get the SMART Contact Toolkit.
  • Focus on others. Do not focus on everything going wrong in your own life. For example, one woman we worked with focused on the wrong things… Her husband wanted out of their marriage, but her marriage to her husband was her ONLY identity. So when it came crumbling down, she fell down with it. She stopped caring for her kids, her friends, and her family all because she didn’t know her identity apart from her husband. She was missing out on all the people who needed her. She needed to focus on the right things- her true identity, her community, and those who needed her rather than her husband leaving.

3. Get ready for change to happen. 

Get ready for change to happen. Hopefully in your marriage, but definitely in yourself. Believe that it is possible and believe that it is worth it… believe that there’s hope, that there’s a future! And, make a way for change to happen. 

This situation you’re going through It will be painful- it may be the worst thing you’ve gone through, but use the situation to grow; to become a better person. We can’t guarantee your marriage will be saved (and we wish we could!) but we do know that no matter what you can become someone who GROWS during hardship; someone who is strong, someone who is a new and better person, and hopefully, a better marriage!

One Woman Saved Her Marriage After 4 Years Of Long-Distance Separation

I’ll wrap this article up with a story of amazing hope- how one woman saved her marriage even after 4 years of her husband living thousands of miles away all because of what SHE did!

Her marriage fell completely apart. Her husband moved thousands of miles away and divorce seemed inevitable. He wanted NO part of the marriage.

Their children (who were older at the time) went through so much grief. One child used self-harm and the other was so angry and wanted nothing to do with their father.

This woman was completely alone. She was stuck. She was depressed. She was lonely, and she felt like there was no hope… but she decided in her mind that, “I still want my marriage to work”… even though it seemed impossible and even though everyone was saying, “It’s not going to work.”

As she was researching marriage help one day, she found Marriage Helper. She learned the principles we teach and she implemented them!

And… she did it! 

By her strength, her choices, and her decisions, she became a better version of herself. She even came to a point where she said, “I’m going to be okay no matter what happens” – and actually thought her marriage was over.

But after 4 years her husband called her (from thousands of miles away) ready to come home! He wanted to reconcile and he asked her if he could come back.

She couldn’t believe it!! She had prepared to be without him, but she didn’t want to be without him. She wanted to be WITH him! She forgave him, they reconciled, and now her marriage is better than it has ever been! Her marriage is strong, her children are strong, and her family is strong ALL because of the changes she made! 

And, she’s also an amazing member of our Marriage Helper team! She continues to encourage thousands of people through her story of hope!

If you’re in a marriage crisis and it seems hopeless, remember to stand. Remember to get calm, get focused, and recenter yourself. And, remember to believe that change is possible! Take steps to implement change- become your best self. 

Whatever you’re going through, know that there is hope on the other side. And know that you need to take steps to make these changes. We have Workshops, Coaching, and Online Courses that can help you take the right path forward. We can’t guarantee that what we teach will save your marriage, but if you implement it, it WILL change you, and hopefully, save your marriage. 

It is time for you to do what it takes to be your best self! Click here to learn more about what we call the PIES.