Suspicion is never a good feeling, especially if you suspect your spouse is cheating on you. Cheating is a form of betrayal that violates your marriage vows and the foundation of trust you’ve built your life upon.
It may feel natural to want to snoop around and dig a little deeper for the answers you’re looking for. Why not? You have every right to know whether your spouse is being unfaithful. Luckily, there are ways to navigate and control our impulsive urges to violate our spouse’s privacy. Today we discuss signs your spouse is cheating.
There are behaviors to look for if you suspect your spouse is acting unfaithfully, and today we have the answers. Throughout this article, you will find the signs of cheating and what to do about that if you are unsure or wish to settle your nerves.
Where there’s a will, there is a way, and today we will point out the signs your spouse is having an affair. We have abbreviated the term roadmap into RDMAP to help you understand what is going on in your relationship and things to watch out for before having that conversation with your spouse.
First Sign Your Spouse Is Cheating: A Change in Response
Before we dive into this, we want to give a disclaimer. These signs of cheating do not necessarily mean your spouse is cheating on you. Innocent until proven guilty is the way we operate at Marriage Helper. Until you have hard sustaining proof, you want to tread lightly with accusations or approach the idea with a calm mindset. There is a reason for everything. The reason could be cheating or something entirely different.
There may be an addiction involved, a desire for change, internal trauma, resentment, regret, things going on at work. The list goes on. Use the Roadmap (RDMAP) as a guide to help you determine the possibilities of cheating, not as the ultimate cheating law book. Now back to the article.
The R of the signs of cheating RDMAP stands for Response. When a spouse acts unfaithfully, there are signs to watch out for, and the way they respond to you is one of them. Most couples have a typical dynamic and approach to how they talk about their day. If you and your spouse have a standard way of speaking to each other, but it suddenly feels different, pay attention to how they respond to your questions.
Cheating spouses generally act more evasive to standard questions, especially about what they did that day. You may ask, “how did things go today?” and receive an evasive response. They don’t want to detail their day, don’t give any specifics into the events, or brush it off altogether. These are grounds for behavior changes and one of the signs of cheating.
Remember, these things don’t always point to infidelity. They may be having an off workday, something is on their mind, or they’re tired. An individual change doesn’t mean too much. The signs of cheating all grouped create a stronger case for cheating than any single trait your spouse exhibits. Pay attention to all the characteristics as you read further.
Beware Gaslighting As a Sign Your Spouse Is Cheating
Gaslighting is not a part of our roadmap (RDMAP) guidelines, but gaslighting is a common defense mechanism for a guilty spouse. Gaslighting refers to a form of reverse psychology.
Your spouse may act like your questions or responses are out of the ordinary, or you’re being “crazy.” If your spouse isn’t doing anything wrong, they have every right to defend their feelings. This is an automatic response to cover their wrongdoings if they are cheating.
They will accuse you of being suspicious and creating a problem where there isn’t one, or questioning your sanity. This is all a method to take the heat off their wrongs and blame you for not trusting them. Pay attention to their responses as the first sign that your spouse is cheating.
Second Sign Your Spouse Is Cheating: Different Treatment
The D of the signs of cheating RDMAP stands for different treatment. You are receiving different treatment from your spouse and their allies. When a spouse cheats, they typically have a partner or someone they confide in.
This person may be an ear for your spouse or an ally to their cheating efforts. When someone is a part of the guilt, they tend to act differently. Maybe your spouse’s friend or family member was once kind and open to you, but now they’re evading you or choosing not to be near you.
They may even look embarrassed or guilty around you because they know what your spouse is hiding from you. This feeling could be guilt by association or resentment for you depending on what your spouse has told them.
There is a fine line in this sign of cheating, because you can’t automatically assume that something is going on based on the behaviors of an outside person. Remain as unbiased as possible while still paying attention to the changes around you. Remember, group all the signs together and do not pay attention to just one.
Third Sign Your Spouse Is Cheating: Missing Things
The M of the signs of cheating RDMAP stands for missing time, money, and affection.
Time is a critical factor in spotting behavior changes. Your spouse is not home on time anymore. They spend a lot of time at work or stay out in general.
They may claim that a friend of theirs is in distress and offer comfort or time to talk out. This statement may or may not be accurate, but it’s not about what they’re doing exactly. It’s about the frequency of their outings.
Another thing to look out for is missing funds. Outside activities cost money. Keep an eye on accounts and bank charges that seem strange. If you question the lacking funds, they may offer vague or evasive answers.
Lastly, there could be missing affection. When a spouse cheats, romance and love are generally the first to leave the relationship. Your spouse no longer wants to cuddle, spend time together or partake in sexual activity. Sometimes there is a boost in affection due to guilt. They will overcompensate their cheating by being extra affectionate and loving towards you. Look out for changes in love, time, and finances.
Fourth Sign Your Spouse Is Cheating: Altered Behaviors
The A of the signs of cheating RDMAP stands for altered behaviors. When you want to impress someone outside of your relationship, you find ways to boost your attraction. If your spouse changes their hairstyles, dresses better, works out more, etc., they might be cheating. Self-improvement individually isn’t a bad thing and doesn’t mean your spouse is interested in someone else.
A series of changes may indicate something more, so always keep that in mind. Altered behaviors may include a change in beliefs or morals. For instance, they don’t feel as strongly about the negatives of cheating, or their moral opinions have swayed a bit.
They are not as involved with spending family time or being around the kids as often as before. If something tragic has taken place in their lives, like losing a loved one, of course, there will be behavior changes. Read your environment and act accordingly always.
Fifth Sign Your Spouse Is Cheating: Protecting Items
The P of the signs of cheating RDMAP stands for Protected Items. Let’s say your spouse used to leave their laptops or phones lying around, and it was never an issue. Now, suddenly, they are protecting those things with more passion.
Wherever their devices go, they go. It is secure and password-protected, and if you touch or even go near these items, it’s a problem. Their communication is more protected, and perhaps that they no longer want you showing up to work or where they are out of the blue.
These are all possible signs of cheating. They don’t want you showing up because they don’t want to feel caught off-guard by your presence if they are with their lover. They may have different cards in their wallet or hold more heavily to personal documents.
What to Do If You See Signs Of Your Spouse’s Affair
If you suspect your spouse is cheating or you found hard evidence of their infidelity, it’s time to have a conversation. It’s never a good idea to snoop around or go detective mode following your spouse’s every move. It hurts, and it’s heart-wrenching to think that the person you love is cheating on you, but there are ways to get answers without looking like the bad guy.
Talk to your spouse. Sit them down in an open environment and approach the situation calmly. Let your spouse know that you feel bothered by noticeable changes: the evasiveness, the lack of communication, trust, and more. Ask them to respect you enough to hear the truth. Keep the space safe by letting them know you are not here to attack them and you will not do something wrong to them. You just want answers because you deserve to know. 9 out of 10 times, a spouse will open up to their husband or wife and tell them the truth. Create a comfortable, open environment to allow your spouse to feel safe enough to come clean.
If you still suspect cheating, but your spouse is not open to you, then keep an eye out for changes, and eventually, the truth will surface. Nothing is fail-proof, and over time people mess up. If your spouse is cheating on you, the truth will reveal itself soon enough.
Get In Touch With Marriage Helper To Save Your Marriage
At Marriage Helper, we believe in helping marriages last a lifetime. Let’s face it: nothing is perfect, especially not marriage. 1 out of 3 marriages fails because couples wait an average of six years before seeking marriage help. We have helped save thousands of marriages, and we believe that if anything works, this will.
You will never be a part of a more passionate community to the cause of marriage because we believe in the power of forgiveness and fighting for what you have. We have free resources like our mini-course that teaches you how to get your spouse back.
Between our podcasts and youtube videos, we have loads of help out there to get your marriage better than okay. Our couples workshop is a three-day intensive that allows couples to see the breaking points in their marriage and why their communication is not working. Contact us for more details or place a strategy call with one of our client representatives. We want to help your marriage last a lifetime.