My Children Won’t Talk To My Spouse
The short answer
When your children won’t talk to your spouse after a divorce, there is still hope. If your child is old enough and willing, the best step is for them to tell the absent parent how they feel; if not, talk with your spouse yourself, tactfully. Keep reassuring your child that both parents love them, without blaming your spouse for their struggles.
Key takeaways
- Divorce hurts and confuses children too, and the parent who moves out can slowly fade from their lives.
- If your child is old enough and willing, encourage them to tell the absent parent how they feel themselves.
- If your child can’t or won’t have that talk, reach out to your spouse yourself with tact.
- Remind your child often that both of you love them, and avoid blaming your spouse’s absence for their struggles.
Divorce can be as painful and confusing for your children as it is for you. If you’ve realized “my children won’t talk to my spouse,” there’s still hope.
Research from all over the world has proven that marital issues, when children are involved, affect them as well. After divorce occurs, 25% of fathers will no longer see their child after the first year. This percentage increases to 50% around the five to the ten-year mark.
So, how can you help to mitigate those chances?
Your spouse will have to make their own decision to stay in their child’s life and be a positive influence. Instead, reassure your child how much they are loved. Assure your child that you love them very much and that your spouse does as well. Your spouse might already be feeling guilt from not spending enough time with their child, so you telling them they’re having problems at school or behavioral issues because they’re not around could push them further away.
How can you help your children’s relationship with your spouse?
If they’re old enough and willing, the best strategy here is to have the child themself talk to the absent spouse and explain their feelings. So, if your child can’t or won’t have the discussion, you should still try to talk with your spouse yourself tactfully.
Listen to this episode of Relationship Radio for the four options to help ensure your children still feel loved and lovely.
Forgiveness is a crucial part of letting go of the anger you have toward another person. Reconciliation is optional, but there are many times when it is the best decision to heal the relationship. Especially if there are children involved. Take our free LovePath quiz to find out which of the four stages of love your marriage is in, and get a free guide for where you are.
For more episodes of Relationship Radio, visit this page.
Common questions
How can I help my kids’ relationship with their other parent after divorce?
If your child is old enough and willing, the best strategy is for them to talk to the absent parent and explain their feelings themselves. If they can’t or won’t, try to talk with your spouse yourself, tactfully.
Should I tell my spouse our kids are struggling because they’re not around?
Be careful. Your spouse may already feel guilty about not spending enough time with your child, and blaming school or behavior problems on their absence could push them further away.
How do I reassure my children when their other parent pulls away?
Tell your child how much they are loved, by you and by your spouse. Your spouse has to make their own decision to stay in your child’s life, so focus on what you can do.