Often, when we find ourselves in situations or struggles in life that we do not have the answer to, or we think the solution we have is not bringing about the results we want, we get stuck. The best thing we can do in times of need when we’re stuck is to look for someone who’s outside of our emotions. The traditional school of thought is to call a therapist or a counselor and meet with them. And I’m thrilled that we have these folks out there. My counselor, Spencer, has helped me through so many things in my life that I really couldn’t thank him enough. Still, there is a difference between counseling and therapy in the traditional sense. What we do here at Marriage Helper is coaching.
Coaching, in essence, is to prompt.
It’s not like you’d see a coach working with a sports team or something like that, but someone who will be a thinking partner for you. I’m not saying therapists and counselors aren’t. We tend to focus on looking ahead and prompt you to consider how you’re thinking; offer opportunities, questions, and additional thoughts. We may even challenge some of your thinking.
The point behind it is that you’re emotionally connected, and if we can not be emotionally driven but rationally driven, we can help you. That’s what my job is as a coach, and that’s what we try to do is help you think.
The goal is for you not to be dependent on us but to be in a place where you’re able to back out of your emotion for a second. After doing the work, come back with a thought process that looks at the issue and can address it rationally. Because any time we are stuck in our emotions, we’re not going to get that far.
Here are three things that marriage coaching can do for you.
Number one, coaching is a thinking partnership.
When we sit with you, although we empathize, we’re not being influenced by your emotion.
What that means is that my mind is not going to be clouded while we’re speaking. So when you talk, I’m going to be able to see peripherally more. I won’t be stuck on threads. I won’t be stuck on past pains. I’m going to be in a place where I can hear what you’re saying.
I won’t just hear the words but hear and see your actions when they work with those words. So I become your thinking partner as a coach. And with that, you’re not going to be thinking alone, and you’re not going to be thinking just one way, but you’re able to have many perspectives.
The second thing that we do in marriage coaching is helping you manage expectations.
One of the frustrations that people will have in life that typically leads to a lot of hurt is when expectations are not met.
Now we know that when it comes to expectations, there are a few challenges we have, like number one; I can’t expect something from you if I’ve never shared that with you. So we’ll work with you to help identify those expectations and how you share in a way in which the other person understands them. That’s one of the biggest pieces.
It also manages your expectations of the other person. Sometimes when a relationship is in the struggles and pains stage, it doesn’t allow for one of the participants in the relationship to really open up. Well, what we’re able to do with your expectations is help you see where that person may be withdrawn and help you adjust them, so you don’t expect something they’re not able to do.
The third thing that we can help you with is challenging your self-limiting beliefs.
The average human thinks somewhere between 50,000 and 70,000 thoughts a day. 7 out of 10 of those are going to be negative.
That means you and I are more likely to fill in blanks or stuff we don’t know or information with a negative piece of information. Often you will attack yourself. Listen carefully. The person you listen to the most and the person who speaks to you the most is the one you’re looking at in the mirror.
You’re going to be your greatest champion or your greatest challenger.
I want to encourage you today to think differently about who you are, and that’s how coaching will work for you. We are going to speak with you and help you see yourself differently. We’re going to help you celebrate wins. We’re going to help you own some of your struggles, and in the end, you’ll be a person who thinks differently about yourself.
If you can see yourself differently, you can be different in your behavior. I love therapists. I love counselors. Some of them are some of my best friends. But more than that, I love coaching.
You can learn more about Marriage Helper Coaching here!
Take care. You got this.