You’re in pain. You just found out your spouse is cheating on you, and you’re not sure what to do or how to heal after being cheated on. Let me give you a few tips that will be very beneficial for you to start healing your pain.
Find A Support System
You need to get support, but not from your friends and family. People will often begin to share their marriage troubles with their friends and family. And although they mean well, they don’t always give the best advice. They’re hurting because you’re hurting. And so they’re going to provide you with advice based upon that pain.
You want to reach out to someone who does not feel emotionally connected to your situation, like one of our coaches. They can teach you the steps you need to take to heal after being cheated on. They can also teach you things that you can do to improve the chances of reconciling with your spouse.
Wondering How To Heal After Being Cheated On? Start Improving Yourself
I know that you don’t feel like doing things, such as taking steps to improve yourself. But it is the thing that’s going to give it the emotional endurance to be able to endure all that you’re about to enter. You do that by working on what we call the PIES. You will work on yourself physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. We have resources out there where we teach you what that means.
Another way to improve yourself is to practice self-care, where you do things like getting your hair done, taking a walk, or getting a massage. Again, the types of things you’re pouring and investing into yourself can be very beneficial to get you through the low spots and help you begin to heal after being cheated on.
Channel Your Pain
Right now, your spouse is not available for you. They are not paying attention to you. They don’t even care how you feel at this moment. But you have all this pain. And many times, what people try to do is stuff the pain down and not deal with it. But that’s one of the worst things that you can do.
So let me give you the things you can do to improve that pain. First, give yourself a place to channel that pain. Start writing in a journal. I started a purge journal where I wrote all of my negative feelings. I would tear it up in a million little pieces when I finished an entry. And I would throw it in the trash. The practice of journaling and destroying the pages symbolizes letting go of that pain, not holding on to it.
Another thing you can do is mindfulness training. It’s where you center your thoughts on something else rather than what’s going on with your marriage. Meditation or prayer helps as well. Whatever it is, channel that pain somewhere. Please don’t hold on to it, because it will fester. And it’ll get worse; direct it and get rid of it in order to heal after being cheated on.
You Will Feel Pain During This Time
Through this entire process, you will feel pain. Just because you’re channeling your pain to other things, doing self-care, and working on your past, it doesn’t make the pain disappear. You have to walk through the process of that pain, but you’ll get much better at it.
So let me give you this illustration. If I have to walk through a desert and carry a 50-pound bag, that 50-pound bag represents the pain that I’m in. As I walk through the desert, I may be thirsty and get tired. But at the end of the desert, I’m going to be stronger because I’m carrying something else. So although the pain is hard, and we want the pain to go away, it is building emotional endurance and strength in you, a strength that you’ve never had before. And no, it’s not the best way to get it. But it’s something that’s going to be beneficial for you at the end of the process.
Over time, you’re going to get better at this. It’s not going to be as hard as it is right now. Now, it’s not going to be easy. But you’re going to get better and better at it. You can heal through this process.
Even though the pain keeps coming and coming, events keep occurring that cause you more and more pain; you can begin to heal from the very first moment until it ends.
One of the best ways to start healing is to start forgiving. You might say, “But what if they’re not even sorry?” That’s okay. They don’t have to be sorry for you to begin to forgive them. And yes, I know that’s hard. Yes, I know, there are some days that you don’t even want to forgive them because you are so hurt. But it’s one of the best things that you can give yourself.
You have to accept that there are no guarantees in this process. You can do everything perfectly right. And at the end of the process, your spouse may not want to come back. But know that you’re building the best version of yourself in this process; this beautiful person is much better than they were at the beginning of the process. You have to accept your spouse feels the way that they feel. I know that is painful, especially if they don’t want you. But to start healing, for your emotions to subside, you have to get to the place of accepting that your spouse feels that way.
Acceptance Is Important
Many times, people begin to think, “Well, maybe if I didn’t do that, or maybe if I did this better, then this wouldn’t have happened.” But again, there’s no guarantee that there would have been a different outcome. So accept the things that you did, and then take steps to move forward into healing and improving your situation. I talk about acceptance because Carl Rogers says, “If we accept who we are, we will change. And if we begin to accept people for who they are, they will change.”
So acceptance is key to moving you forward in this process. I want you to know that there’s still hope. I know that you feel devastated. Maybe you can barely pick yourself up off the ground. But I want to encourage you to reach out to us today. Let us help you work on the steps that I gave you today. And I’m telling you, your situation will get better.
There are no guarantees. But if anything works, this will work. If you begin to take steps to heal, you’re already improving your situation. Want more help? We have a free mini-course on how to get your spouse to fall back in love with you. If you want to talk with a member of our team about your situation and how we can help, get in contact with us here. I know you’re in pain. I want to encourage you today that there is hope in this situation. And don’t give up.