Begin To Work On Yourself
Begin to work on yourself physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. At this point in your crisis, you want to start at the beginning of what we call the LovePath. You want to become the best version of yourself that you can be. When we are the best we can be, we become more confident. And that confidence begins to radiate because we feel good about who we are.
I don’t know about you, but when I was in a state of brokenness, I lost my confidence and self-worth. But when I started working on myself, that confidence began to rebuild, and my self-worth began to grow. We want you to do this because it is the right thing to do. From those actions, you will become attractive again. You will start healing, and that will attract people to you. More importantly, your spouse can feel attracted to you again.
I want to caution you about this. Be sure you work on yourself for the right reasons. That is, work on yourself to be the best version of yourself, not just to get your spouse back. Because if your motivation is to do this to get your spouse back, it won’t stick. Suppose you do this with the idea to get your spouse back, but then when your spouse doesn’t respond in the way you want them to. You’ll stop, and then they will think that you were trying to manipulate them. So do it with the right motivation.
Our CEO, Kimberly Holmes, has a podcast called “It Starts With Attraction.” I strongly recommend checking it out and listening to it regularly while you’re on this journey. So many things begin to happen within you when you work on being the best version of yourself.
I need to take a detour right here and mention something to you. When we are in crisis, we often want to control things, specifically our spouse. When we try to control our spouse, it can drive our relationship with our spouse right into a ditch. People will try to control because they are afraid of what may happen. I want to encourage you to focus on only the things you can control, which is you. Your spouse may do things that cause you deep emotional pain, but trying to control them will only ensure that you and your spouse will experience more pain.
So accept your spouse’s decisions, accept that this is how they feel and what they want. I’m not saying to accept behavior that would cause you or your children physical harm. But accepting how your spouse feels right now can get you on the road to healing. Because you take the situation for how it is right now, you begin to give the situation the freedom it needs to change. When you accept your spouse for what they feel right now, they have the freedom to change. And know that it may feel counterintuitive, but it is a crucial piece to you moving forward towards healing.
When you are not focused on controlling them but rather on doing the things I’m talking about, we are speeding up your healing process. So don’t let anything someone else is doing distract you from getting the emotional healing you need.
Work Towards Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a moral gift that you give a person despite what they have done to you. You have to see your spouse as a flawed person to do this. You have to decide to forgive and then realize that the decision to forgive and the process of forgiving are two different things. For a while, you’ll have to choose to forgive every day. You will have to continue to remind yourself that you choose to forgive and then interact with your spouse in a way that demonstrates that forgiveness.
It is important to note that you won’t feel like you have forgiven them at first. But as you continue to decide to forgive and treat your spouse like you have, your emotions will follow. So many times, people will say, “But they haven’t even asked for forgiveness. And they’re not even sorry. So why should I forgive them?” My answer is: you deserve to be free from pain. You deserve to live your life with joy and peace. You deserve to feel love in your heart, and you deserve to heal. And an essential piece of healing is forgiving others. Without this, the pain will hold you prisoner. You will feel shackled to this agony that you’re feeling right now.
Don’t do that to yourself. You have been through enough. Instead, take steps to be you again so that you can thrive again. Forgive to set yourself free. And know that if you feel emotionally broken and you want the pain to stop, these steps will be essential to your journey of becoming emotionally healthy again. The pain isn’t going to go away magically. Time does not heal all wounds. Only truly loving yourself enough to take steps towards healing will make you emotionally healthy again.
I encourage you today to decide to do these things even if you don’t feel like doing them. Enough is enough. Only you can control your healing. I’ve been in your shoes. I know this pain. One quote that got me to take steps towards recovery comes from one of my favorite movies, Shawshank Redemption: “Get busy living or get busy dying.” That one line helped me see that I was promoting my own emotional pain and death by letting my emotions control me, lying around being depressed, and hanging on to bitterness and unforgiveness. I decided I wanted to live, and I wanted to heal emotionally. So I got busy doing just that.
I encourage you today to do the same. I hope this has helped identify the steps you need to take to become emotionally healthy again. You can click here to access our free mini-course designed to teach you how to get your spouse back, even when you feel emotionally exhausted. You can also click here to learn the four ways to attract your spouse back to you, explained in much greater detail. Remember, there is always hope. We’re here for you every step of the way.