3 Step Plan To Get Your Ex Back

If you want to know what you can do to get your ex back, then this is for you. Whether you’re separated or divorced, I’m going to teach you a three-step formula you can follow in order to do the best things you can do to get your ex back.

Even if you’re not married, these principles still apply. However, I’m specifically talking to those who are in a married relationship.

We are passionate about saving marriages, and we believe that marriages can (and should) be saved. We believe more marriages have the ability to be saved than most people believe. To stop the divorce from happening, or to undo a divorce that’s already happened.

“More marriages have the ability to be saved than most people believe.”

We believe it because we see it every single day. Even with the marriage is that everyone else has given up on…

  • Even if a divorce has happened
  • If you’re already separated
  • If everyone has told you that there’s no hope…

Then this is the exact system, the exact three-part-formula you need to follow.

*Remember, all our resources are based on research and scientific principles. Not only is it backed by social science, it has worked in the lives of thousands of people. Many of those who have gone through our online courses and our workshops will say, “if anything works, this will.”

So, without further ado, here’s the three-step process: stop, start and pause. Let me explain what each of those means…

Stop The Push Behaviors

The first one is stop. If you’re divorced or separated and want your ex to come back, it’s likely that you’ve done a “push” behavior.

What is a “push” behavior?

A push behavior is begging, pleading, whining, crying, or doing whatever you can to try to get your spouse to stay.

This includes:

  • Trying to control them to stay
  • Hacking into their Facebook
  • Attempting to check their email
  • Trying to get their phone in the middle of the night, to see what might be going on… etc.

Any controlling/pushy behaviors to try to get your spouse to stay classify as push behaviors.

It could even include:

  • Saying slight things on social media to try and get their attention or make them feel guilty
  • Trying the FOMO thing where you upload pictures of “living your best life” so your spouse can see what they’re missing out on… thinking they’ll want to come home.

If any of these are your intention/motivation we would classify it as a push behavior. You’re trying to “push” your spouse to do something that at this time they don’t want to do. And it’s going to backfire. It’s going to work against you in the long run.

A push behavior is “trying to ‘push’ your spouse to do something that at this time they don’t want to do.”

So stop the begging, pleading, whining or doing whatever you can do to get your spouse to stay. And instead, start SMART Contact™.

Start Practicing SMART Contact™

We created SMART Contact at Marriage Helper because thousands of people didn’t know how to act toward their spouse after they left. They would use push behaviors, or contact their spouse every single day, or they would ignore their spouse. Neither of these principles work!

That’s why we started teaching SMART Contact. It teaches you how to be smart in reaching out/communicating with your ex-spouse or separated spouse. It’s the smartest thing you can do.

  • Get the SMART Contact Toolkit to learn the BEST way to communicate with a disengaged spouse
SMART Contact Toolkit website icon Black Friday

If you’re trying to figure out how to get your spouse to talk with you…

Then the SMART Contact Toolkit is for you!

If you want to learn more about SMART Contact and how to implement strategies for better communication with your spouse, check out the SMART Contact Toolkit!

Because Communication is KEY!

One of the first things that breaks down in a relationship is the communication. We start fighting more. We stop compromising and we stop listening to the other person. This happens in so many marriages. Communication as human beings doesn’t come naturally to us; it’s something we need to work on.

But when we become complacent in marriage, communication can be one of the first things that breaks down. You can begin to drift apart when the communication begins to go South. So what we teach you with SMART Contact is the smart way to communicate with your spouse.

SMART Contact is actually a five-step system. We have a whole toolkit that gives you a plan when and what you need to do so you don’t have to wonder anymore. “Do I, do I reach out now?” “What do I do?” “If he or she contacts me or sends me a text message, how do I respond?” In the SMART Contact Toolkit, we teach you how to do that.

So if you stop the push behaviors and start smart contact, you also need to pause.

Pause By working on your PIES

Many times in life, when things happen, we just react. My husband might say something and immediately I want to lash back at him. Right?

I might get an angry email… Gosh, this just happened yesterday in my life. Someone sent me something and I got so mad about it. I read so much into it and I wanted to immediately lash back at them and tell them how I felt. But instead? I paused and gave it 24 hours to let it simmer, taking that time to reflect so I could really see what I wanted to communicate to this person.

I asked myself, “Who is the person that I want to be in the way that I act? How do I want to represent myself?” So, I paused. This what we often need to do in our relationships. Our thoughts are trying to get us to do something that we don’t want to do.

(Especially When Your Mind Is Racing)

For example, if I start worrying that my husband is out with another woman, I’m thinking, “What in the world is he doing? He’s not home yet. It’s 8:00 PM. He should be here!” And my thoughts start going crazy. If I don’t pause, those thoughts will end up, urging me to take an action that doesn’t need to happen.

Those thoughts will urge me to do things that, more than likely, is going to make things worse.

  • Calling my spouse a hundred times
  • Sending hundreds of text messages
  • Breaking into his phone and see where he was

In reality, if I paused, then tomorrow I might realize there’s a better way to handle the situation. But so many times we don’t pause because we’re used to reacting. We want immediate satisfaction. We want immediate answers. And let me ask you a question. How is that working for you? For most of us, it is not working well. So instead, learn how to implement pause.

“In reality, if I paused, then tomorrow I might realize there’s a better way to handle the situation.”

And as you pause, work on your PIES of attraction. At marriage helper, PIES means something very important. You see, there’s a process to falling in love, called the “Love Path.”

Because It All Starts With Attraction

The love path begins with attraction. But attraction isn’t just your outward appearance. Actually, there are four components to attraction: physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. And we call it: the PIES of Attraction.

When you want to get your spouse back, or get your ex back, working on you; working on your PIES is the best thing you can do. Now, you don’t do this in order to get your spouse back. You do this because it is the best thing for you to do! Period.

I actually have a separate division where I talk all about the PIES. It’s called “PIES University.” I also have a podcast called It Starts With Attraction.” where every week I cover a specific topic about how to become the best you can be. So be sure to check it out!

Stop. Start. Pause.

So, here’s the three-part system for you to follow: Stop the push behaviors, Start practicing SMART Contact, and Pause by working on your PIES.

If you start doing these three things, you will be leaps and bounds ahead of where you would have been otherwise.

All that being said, can I absolutely guarantee that this will bring your spouse back? The answer is no, but can I tell you the truth? No one can guarantee that…

And I know there’s a ton of other people who are making a crap ton of money by guaranteeing you all of these things. But, I don’t want that. I don’t care about your money enough to put my integrity on the line. I’m going to tell you the TRUTH. These things might not work, but if you do them, then you WILL be a better person for it.

Whatever happens in your future, you will be better prepared to handle it. No matter what! Whether your ex comes back or not, you will still become a better person because you did these 3 things.

You can start with our free, mini toolkit. You’ll learn how you can start talking to your spouse, in order to get them to talk to you, and hopefully bring them back. Get the toolkit by visiting the link below. It will help you understand SMART Contact and help you understand what you can do to move forward.

We want your spouse to come back. We want to teach you how to do that and we believe that you are able, that you are worthy, and that you are worth it. You deserve to try the best things possible to make you a better person and to give your marriage the best shot that it has.

So you can learn more about our workshops, online courses, and marriage coaching. If you were trying to get your spouse to come back to you, then be sure you check out the Save My Marriage Course which can be done as an individual. We have workshops. We have all these amazing things, but most importantly, we are here to walk this journey with you, no matter what that looks like.

Free Mini-Course


Your husband or wife has said your marriage is over and they’re ready to move on with their life. Where does this leave you?

We have helped thousands of people in this exact situation. You are not without hope and it’s not too late to make a difference in your marriage.

Sign up for this free mini-course and learn what likely led to your spouse wanting out, an overview of our proprietary method of how to STOP pushing your spouse away, and quick changes you can make TODAY to START drawing your spouse back.