Infidelity – Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating | Marriage Helper

It can be frightening and frustrating. You believe, or are completely convinced, that your spouse is cheating on you… yet, you don’t have enough proof to absolutely know.

In this video, we’ll share a roadmap for you to assess whether or not it’s likely that your spouse is cheating. And, we’ll tell you what you can do moving forward.

It’s a horrible feeling to suspect your spouse of cheating, but not have enough proof to confront them. You’re torn between your intuition telling you something is off and the fear of being wrong. So, how do you assess whether or not your spouse is cheating? We share a roadmap to help you navigate this difficult situation. The roadmap is called “RD MAP,” and each letter represents a point to consider when determining whether or not there is infidelity. Infidelity is having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than one’s spouse. While this roadmap won’t necessarily give you definitive proof, it will help you assess the situation and guide you towards finding answers.

The first point is “R” for “Respond.” How is your spouse responding to you? Have they started to evade your questions or give vague answers? Do they accuse you of not trusting them when you bring up your concerns? If their behavior has changed in this way, it could be a sign that something is going on. It’s essential to remember that changes in behavior don’t necessarily indicate infidelity. Your spouse could be hiding other things from you, like an addiction to pornography or gambling. However, for the purposes of this roadmap, the focus is on assessing the possibility of infidelity.

The second point to consider is “D” for “Different Treatment.” Is your spouse physically or emotionally distant from you? Are their family and friends treating you differently than they have before? Are they spending more time away from home, with friends or co-workers, than they used to? Do they seem less interested in spending time with you or less invested in your relationship? If you notice a change in their level of emotional or physical connection with you, it could be a sign that something is going on. It’s important to note that changes in distance could be due to other reasons besides infidelity, like work-related stress or mental health issues. If you suspect infidelity, changes in distance are significant factors to consider.

The third letter is “M” for “Missing Time,” “Missing Money,” and “Missing Affection.” One of the most obvious signs of infidelity is missing time. If your partner is not where they usually are at a particular time, it can be a red flag. For instance, if your spouse is always home by 6pm, but suddenly they start coming home late or working overtime, it can be a sign of infidelity. If they are unable to explain their whereabouts or their answers are vague, then it is time to start paying attention. Infidelity often comes with a cost, and if your partner is spending more money than usual, it can be an indication that something is wrong. If you notice that money is missing from your joint account or that your partner is unable to account for their expenses, it may be time to investigate further. If your partner has stopped showing you the affection they used to, it can be a sign of infidelity. If they have stopped giving you hugs, kisses, or cuddling in bed, it could be because they are no longer interested in you. However, sometimes a sudden increase in affection can also be an indicator that something is wrong. They may be trying to make up for their infidelity or feel guilty about it.

A is for “Altered.” If your partner suddenly changes their appearance, unfaithfulness may be the reason. They may start dressing better, working out more, or even changing their hairstyle. Although these changes may not be due to infidelity, when combined with other signs, they can be a cause for concern. If your partner suddenly starts to change their beliefs and values, this can also be a red flag. For instance, if they previously believed that adultery is wrong, but then begin showing more leniency towards it, it may be a sign of guilt. Similarly, if they begin to distance themselves from your religious community or start talking about all the hypocrites there, that could be an indication that they are rethinking their values and beliefs. If your partner starts pulling away from you or your children, suddenly stops attending family events, is always busy, or seems disinterested in spending time with you, it may be a sign that they are seeing someone else.

Finally, P is “Protected.” Your partner usually has protected places, protected areas, and protected time. A spouse having an affair is very protective about their cell phone, emails, or their spouse dropping by work to see them. Being shunned from certain areas of their life is not a good sign. There can also be protected storage, which could be that you find out that a bill comes for a safety deposit box you didn’t know you had, and you have no access to it. Or you find a bank statement in the mail with a different checking account and card in their wallet. 

So what’s next? We recommend that even though your spouse has been evasive, you still have a conversation. The conversation would begin something like: “I’m not attacking you, I’m not accusing you, but let me just list some things that have been bothering me.” You may actually want to go right down the Roadmap we just shared. While the Roadmap is a useful tool for identifying potential signs of infidelity or other issues in a relationship, it’s important to approach these issues with sensitivity and care. Hiring a private investigator or spying on your partner might seem like a quick fix, but it can actually cause more harm than good. Instead, try to have an open and honest conversation with your partner and trust your instincts about what is best for you.

As always, here at Marriage Helper, we are here for you. We offer coaching by phone, FaceTime, and other mediums. We also have an intensive three-day in-person and online workshop where we can help, no matter where you are in your relationship. We even have an online course available if you discover that your spouse doesn’t want to be in the marriage, but you still do, where we guide you through steps you can take. Make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel or call us at (866) 903-0990 and visit online @

Related: 5 Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating. Read Here!