Signs That Your Spouse May Be in Love with Someone Else
But since I brought it up, I need to go on and finish an earlier thought. “Wait a minute, I heard those three things earlier, and one was that my spouse might be in love with someone else.” That’s one of the possibilities. I’m not saying that’s the case with your situation, but it’s one of the possibilities. And if you’re thinking, “How? How would I know that?” Okay, here are some of the signs you can look for.
Has your spouse’s appearance changed in the last few weeks or the last three months?
In other words, they’ve lost weight. They’ve gone to the gym, got in better shape, started dressing differently, and changed hairstyles. So, in other words, there’s a change going on.
In and of itself, it may not mean anything, but I’m going to go through a whole bunch of things to examine. For example, has my spouse’s appearance changed, and is there some factor I don’t know about? Like, they got a new job. “No, I’m just seeing that he or she changed, but I’m not sure why, but I can see the change.”
Is there any missing money?
If your husband or wife spends big money, but you don’t know where it’s going, it might be relatively innocent. But, compared with this whole list I’m going to give you, it can start mounting up to be a bunch of things going on at once.
Is there missing time?
“My wife got off work at 5:30, and she said she was going to drop by the grocery store to pick up a few things and be here, but didn’t get here until nine. When she showed up, she had one bottle of milk, and it can’t take that long to buy a bottle of milk….”
If it’s just something that happens rarely or very seldom, it might not mean anything. But if it happens more and more and more, it could be: “Okay, my husband sometimes doesn’t show up, and he said he ran into his buddies. So they stopped at the bar, and they had a couple of beers. They started playing darts, and time got away from him.”
That is a possibility, but again we’re giving you a whole list of things to look at together.
Are there any hidden bills?
You used to get the bill about the cell phone, and you could see all the calls that your husband or wife made, and you haven’t seen that bill for a while. So it’s like somehow, it’s disappearing, and you can’t get your hands on it. And usually, your husband or wife would leave the cell phone lying around, and if you wanted, you could pick it up and look at the phone. But now it’s carefully guarded, and if you get close to it, your spouse rescues it.
Have you discovered any hidden social media?
For example, are you suddenly blocked from your husband’s or wife’s Facebook page, or you’re not seeing what they tweet anymore? Or perhaps you run across evidence somewhere that maybe your husband or wife has a different Facebook page. For example, “My friend said she saw something my wife posted on Facebook the other day. I still have access to her page, I’m looking at it, and it’s not there.” So is there any hidden social media that you’re aware of that you have found?
And has your sex life changed?
Not just has your sex life gotten worse, like “We hardly have sex with each other anymore, or when we do make love, it’s like my spouse is not involved in it anymore.” But it could also be just the opposite of that. For example, “All of a sudden, we’re having sex more than we used to, and my spouse is getting into it.”
If you’re thinking, wait a minute, can an increased and enhanced sex life be a sign of an affair? It can.
Any one of these things by themselves may mean nothing, and we’re building a pattern here.
Have you started catching your spouse in lies?
Relatively innocent lies in the sense that, “He said he was going to the grocery store to pick something up. I just happened to be driving by, and his car wasn’t there. I mentioned later, ‘I was going to come in and shop with you because we need something, but I didn’t see your car.'”
All of a sudden, there’s a different story. “Oh, I meant to tell you…”
If that happens once or twice, no big deal. But are you beginning to catch more lies and more lies and more lies?
Are you beginning to notice a lot of mood swings?
Where that sometimes your spouse is joyful, sometimes your spouse is depressed, and sometimes your spouse is angry?
It is to the point where it just seems things change rapidly. “I don’t understand what’s going on here. I’ve just noticed that he’s changed or she’s changed, and these mood swings are all going on.”
Have you found yourself asking questions?
Like, “Why did you not show up until 10 o’clock when you said you’d be here at seven?” Or, “One hundred dollars are missing here. I want to know where it went.”
If you start asking those questions and, in response, your sanity begins to be questioned, like: “I think you’re going crazy. Don’t you remember? I told you what I did with the hundred dollars. Don’t you know what I did at that time? We discussed it already.” When you know good and well that didn’t happen, you’re thinking, “Why is my sanity being questioned?”
Often, that’s a tactic that a person having an affair will use to throw you off their track. The best defense is a good offense. Let me go at you and go at you, so you wind up defending yourself. Now you’re not attacking me or questioning me because you’re busy protecting.
Or even if they now become offensive to any questions:
“Where were you?” “What, are you my mom? You’re trying to control me now?” Or, “What happened with the money?” “I’m not gonna live like that where you treat me like a child, and I can’t spend a hundred dollars if I want to.”
Any of those things by themselves may mean nothing, even two or three of them coupled together may mean nothing.
However, if you see all of these signs of cheating happening, it may be.
I’m not telling you definitively that your spouse is having an affair, but it may be that they are involved with somebody else or, at least, involved in something they should avoid.
What To Do Now
So if you’re thinking, “Wait a minute, I need to get a private detective, right?”
Sure, if you want a divorce, go ahead and do that.
If you decide to get a private detective, if you decide to hide a GPS in their car, or maybe you decide to somehow get an app on the phone where you can know where they are. If you try to eavesdrop and sneak up behind them, you can do any of those things to catch them if you wish; but when you get caught snooping, prying, hiring somebody else, whatever it might be, it will not end well. When you get caught, it’s not going to be about whatever they are doing. It’s going to be about, “How dare you do that? How dare you violate my privacy? How dare you not trust me!”
Rather than dealing with whatever your spouse is doing, it’s going to be dealing with how devious and wicked you are, and nothing good will come from it.
And so when people say, “Should I do all those things? Should I do any of those things?”
I’m saying, if you want out of the marriage, you want definitive proof so you can divorce them, go for it.
But, if you’re going to save the marriage, that’s not the thing to do.
“What is the right thing to do?”
There are a lot of things. We are glad to help you with this situation.
We’re Marriage Helper. You can call us and talk to one of our client representatives, who will help you know what we can do to help people.
We offer resources like coaches who can guide you through things. They won’t coach you on catching your spouse, but they will coach you on what you can do. If you want to save this marriage, they will help you discover the things most likely to save it instead of the things that are most likely to end it.
In other words, get the right help.
If you don’t want us, then find the right help. I’m just telling you that we have a lot of experience with this. We do care, and we find, on average, when people come to work with us for an affair or marriage in crisis, our success rate is about three out of four in helping those couples work it out. So whatever you do, get the right help.
We care. Let us help if we can.
Want more help? This free guide will teach you the 7 things you need to know when saving your marriage from an affair.
If your marriage is in danger of separation or divorce, call us at (866) 903-0990. Use this form to contact us or request more information about our Marriage Helper Workshop for troubled marriages. We can help you save your marriage even in cases of infidelity, loss of trust, anger, sexual problems, and other issues. (If you’re thinking your spouse would never come, contact us by phone or the form below and we’ll tell you what others who felt the same way did to get their spouses there.) We will keep everything you tell us completely confidential. Our motivation is to help you determine if this workshop is right for your particular situation. We also offer solutions for couples who can’t attend the workshop.