How to Fix Your Marriage: The Do’s and Don’ts
The short answer
To fix your marriage when your spouse says it’s over, stop the things that backfire: giving up too soon, clinging and begging, and giving in to manipulation. Instead, hang in there a little longer while doing the right things. Work on your PIES, accept what your spouse feels without arguing, and stay willing to forgive and learn to love again.
Key takeaways
- Giving up too soon, clinging and begging, and giving in to your spouse’s demands all tend to backfire when your spouse says it’s over.
- Most people quit too early, so hanging in a little longer while doing the right things matters.
- Working on your PIES (physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual) means becoming your best self and talking with your spouse about things other than the marriage.
- Accepting what your spouse feels without arguing takes real strength, and staying willing to forgive is part of learning to love again.
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How to Fix Your Marriage: The Do’s & Don’ts
You desperately want to know how to save your marriage…but you have NO answers. You feel helpless and frustrated. The pain doesn’t subside- it consumes your mind and shatters your heart into pieces. You ask, “Is it even possible to fix my marriage?”
You don’t know how the person you loved, who once loved you, now treats you as an enemy.. Your spouse may repeatedly say “I’m done, it’s over,” or even, “You’re making it worse when you try to do anything to save our marriage.” You long for a sign..
Should you give up? No. Is there a magic solution, a “quick-fix” or “simple phrase” that will save your marriage? No. But there are specific things you should do (and should NOT to if you want to save your marriage.)
Here’s what won’t work: Giving up too soon- Marriage Helper works with marriages where EVERYONE ELSE said it was “hopeless” and we’ve seen those “hopeless” marriages saved. Clinging & Begging- While human compassion moves a person to help someone in pain, it backfires if the pain is caused by them and they have no intention of stopping the action that causes that pain.
Allowing yourself to be manipulated- it’s not beneficial to give in to your spouse’s demands thinking that doing so will bring them back. Rather, it allows them to do what they want to with the least amount of resistance.
Here’s what will work.
Hanging in there a little longer…and doing the right things- It’s very common. Most people give up TOO SOON. We get it, we don’t blame people for reaching a point of pain where they do not want to continue fighting for their marriage.
Work on the PIES of Attraction- Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual. Being the best “you” that you can be physically for your age & situation in life. Having engaging, intellectual conversations with your spouse NOT about your marriage.
Evoking positive emotions your spouse enjoys feeling. Holding true to your beliefs and values.
Be as understanding & accepting as you can be- Can you accept what your spouse feels without arguing? If so that’s a great start to develop a relationship once again. It is a very tough thing to do; it requires amazing strength. But we have seen this inner strength bring a spouse back time and time again. Be willing to forgive & learn to love again- this is a process.
So, what can you do? Lean on HOPE! Thousands of people have saved their marriage from dire circumstances, all because hope propelled them to do the right things. We see this every other week at our Workshops.
Don’t give up until you’ve tried this. Get the free download here: 7 Keys to Fixing Your Marriage.
Common questions
Is it possible to fix my marriage if my spouse says it’s over?
Marriage Helper works with marriages that everyone else called hopeless and has seen them saved. There is no quick fix or magic phrase, but there are specific things to do and not do, and most people give up too soon.
Why does begging my spouse to stay make things worse?
Compassion moves people to help someone who is hurting, but it backfires when they are the cause of the pain and have no intention of stopping. That is why clinging and begging are on the list of what won’t work.
Should I give in to my spouse’s demands to keep them?
No. Giving in to your spouse’s demands in hopes it will bring them back only lets them do what they want with the least amount of resistance.