Infidelity: 3 Types Of Affairs

Has your marriage been impacted by an affair? If so, this video can help you determine what type of infidelity occurred and provide you with specific next steps.

Where does infidelity stem from? Each type of infidelity comes from a biological and relational need. It can be sexual, emotional, and/or physical. However, each type differs in how it needs to be approached and responded to.

Here are a few key differences. Sexual infidelity stems from the desire for sex. It is sexual in nature- it is not about creating a relationship.

Emotional infidelity stems from a relational connection between two people. It is companionate in nature. We know this specific type of infidelity as “Limerence.” (We have MANY resources on Limerence, so please visit our website & check out our other YouTube videos on this topic.)

Lastly, there is a type of infidelity that is a combination of emotional & sexual. What once began as an emotional connection, grows into a physical relationship. This type of infidelity is the strongest of the three. It is the strongest because combines the three biological drives of a person: sexual, emotional, and physical.

There are many other types of infidelity, however, at its center, infidelity is being unfaithful in mind, body, and/or spirit.

Here’s the question you must ask: Has there been a breach of trust in your relationship? And, is it hurting your marriage?

And if so, what is the motivation behind the infidelity? What is the core issue?

If you feel like there has been infidelity in your marriage, it does NOT have to be the end of your marriage. Take the affair assessment to help you figure out what kind of infidelity has happened & what you should do to move forward: Marriage Affair Assessment

Here at Marriage Helper we work with many couples who have been impacted by infidelity. If your marriage has been impacted by infidelity and you don’t know what to do next, please give us a call and we will direct you to the best resource for your situation.

Transcript:

0:00 Did you know that there are multiple types of infidelity? Sometimes it

0:04 includes sex, but oftentimes it doesn’t. And sometimes it’s more about a deep

0:09 emotional attachment and bonding, and then other times it’s not. And what makes

0:15 it even more difficult to identify the types of infidelity is that everyone can

0:19 define infidelity differently. What one person sees as being unfaithful, someone

0:25 else may not. Hi, I’m Kimberly Holmes and I’m the CEO of Marriage Helper, and at

0:31 Marriage Helper, we are probably one of the largest organizations that works

0:34 with affairs on a day to day basis. No, we aren’t counselors or divorce lawyers, but

0:40 we work with and impact hundreds of thousands of marriages a year, the

0:44 majority of which have been marriages that are impacted by infidelity. We

0:49 work with the real-life situations of people who have experienced infidelity

WE KNOW YOUR SITUATION

0:53 in their marriage, whether the person having the affair is the one we’re

0:57 working with or the person whose spouse is having the affair, and in this video

1:01 I’m going to explain to you the most commonly cited types of affairs

1:05 according to research, and one type of infidelity that you may not even be

1:09 aware of. But before I do, be sure to subscribe below. Hit the bell so that you

1:14 will get notified every time we’ve released new content and material, and

1:18 you’ll be notified every time we go live and have a live show. We do a lot of

1:23 awesome things around here so be sure to subscribe. Alright, so let’s get into it.

1:27 According to the research, most types of infidelity stem from three main

1:32 biological needs that people have in a relationship. There’s the sexual need, the

1:37 physical need, and the emotional need. So, the first type of infidelity is sexual

1:43 infidelity. As the name States, this type of infidelity is all about sex. It might

1:48 be a one-night stand or many different one-night stands, or a long-term physical

1:54 only relationship that a person is having, but this type of infidelity stems

2:00 from the desire for sex. It’s not about creating a relationship or a friendship

2:05 or a companionship; it really is only about the sex. The second type of

2:12 infidelity is emotional infidelity. This type of infidelity is

2:16 more about the emotional and relational connection between two people rather

2:20 than the physical connection. It’s called limerence and it’s more

2:24 common than you might think. We have a ton of videos specifically about

2:28 limerence, so look in the show notes and see the link to some of those or click

2:32 on the screen to save videos to watch after you watch this one that will tell

2:35 you more about limerence. Again, hit that bell below so that you can subscribe and

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2:40 see all of the videos that we come out with, including the ones about limerence. Now,

2:45 limerence is different than just a sexual relationship and so you should

2:50 not attribute an affair that is going on, whether it’s one you’re having or that

2:55 your spouse is having, that’s deeply relational and deeply companionative, to

3:01 the same as a sexual affair. If there’s a solely sexual affair, it’s a very

3:05 different than one that involves the relationship aspect of it and you handle

3:10 them in different ways, and in just a minute I’m gonna give you a tip on how

3:15 we can help you identify what kind of affair has happened in your marriage and

3:19 what you can do about it. The third type of infidelity is the combination of both.

TYPES OF INFIDELITY 1. SEXUAL 2. EMOTIONAL 3. EMOTIONAL & SEXUAL

3:25 It’s the sexual and emotional infidelity because emotional infidelity like we

3:32 talked about before does not have to be sexual, but it can become sexual,

3:37 especially as the relationship develops, the friendship bonds, that companionship

3:42 happens. It can lead to becoming a sexual relationship, and when the two of those

3:47 are combined then it is probably the strongest type of infidelity of the

3:52 three because it combines all of those strongest biological drives that we have.

3:57 The drive for sex, the drive for romance, that deep companionship connection, and

4:02 it can be very difficult to end those or to move past them. There’s other types of

4:09 affairs that fit into combinations of these like open marriages, swinging, going

4:14 to sex clubs, having loud Affairs, wife-swapping; and then there’s the

4:20 lesser-known or acknowledged infidelity of pornography. There are some people who

4:26 don’t see that as a type of infidelity because it’s not

4:29 real so to say, but then there’s others who have been affected by either

4:33 themselves having watched pornography or their spouse watching pornography. And

4:38 they know very well the hurt betrayal and pain that still comes from

4:44 pornography because if we look at the word infidelity it’s all about breaking

4:50 the vow, breaking the Covenant, being unfaithful; so, whether it’s in mind, body,

4:56 or spirit, if there’s that want or desire or thought of unfaithfulness, it can be

5:02 just as devastating as the actual act in and of itself. But what one person

5:07 considers to be infidelity may not seem like infidelity to someone else.

5:11 One person may think that holding hands isn’t cheating because it’s not kissing

5:15 or having sex and some may not think that looking at porn is a form of

5:19 cheating since it isn’t real; and then there’s some who may think that having

5:23 an inappropriate emotional relationship isn’t an affair because there’s nothing

5:28 physical. They’re just really good friends so maybe the question behind the

5:32 question here has more to do with this: do you feel like there has been a breach

5:37 of trust in your relationship? Do you feel like someone has crossed the line

HAS THERE BEEN A BREACH OF TRUST?

5:42 and is it hurting your marriage? And the even bigger question that would make a

5:48 huge difference to the future of your marriage is this: what is the motivation

5:52 behind the infidelity? Was it to seek something out that they wanted? Like the

WHAT IS THE CORE ISSUE?

5:58 thrill of being involved in a sex club? Or were they looking for a deep

6:01 companionship that they didn’t feel like they had in the marriage that came from

6:05 having that emotional infidelity? Or was it because they were at the wrong place

6:08 at the wrong time and ended up falling into temptation? All three of these

6:13 motivations and circumstances that can end up in a type of infidelity are all

6:18 very different and so they shouldn’t all be treated the same. If there has been

6:24 infidelity, remember this the infidelity is rarely the issue in the marriage. Hear

6:30 me clearly, the infidelity is definitely an issue in the marriage and a big one,

6:35 but more times than not there’s something else that has been going on

6:39 that is really the core issue of what’s going on and the

6:42 infidelity just happens to be a symptom. So, if you feel like there has been

6:47 infidelity, a breaking of trust or the vow, and that your spouse may be having a

6:51 sexual physical or emotional relationship with someone else, it does

6:56 not have to be the end of your relationship. We have an affair

6:59 assessment that you can take and it will help you figure out what kind of

TAKE OUR AFFAIR ASSESSMENT (LINK IN DESCRIPTION)

7:03 infidelity has it been and what should you do in order to move forward in your

7:07 marriage. You can find the link to take that below.

7:09 Or, if you are the one who has been having a sexual physical or emotional

7:13 relationship or combination thereof with someone else and you don’t know what to

7:18 do next, then we can help you as well. Take that same a fair assessment below

7:23 and we’ll guide you to what you can do to figure out where to go from here. At

7:27 Marriage Helper, we exist to help you in your marriage no matter what has

7:31 happened and whatever type of infidelity might have affected you or your marriage,

7:36 it doesn’t scare us away. We are here to help and we believe that there’s hope

7:40 for you, for your future, and for your marriage. We have workshops, online

7:45 courses, and coaching that are available to you wherever you are in your marriage

7:50 and wherever you are in the world. You can call our office at 866-903-0990 and you can visit us online at marriagehelper.com to find out more about how we can help you. And remember to subscribe below.

8:04 Hit that bell and we’ll see you next time.