Married But In Love With Another
The short answer
Being married but in love with someone else rarely starts because you went looking for a lover, but once it happens, the feelings get intense fast. Even if nothing has turned physical, you are already in what some call an emotional affair. If you already saw your spouse as unkind or hurtful, that negativity has likely grown since the affair began.
Key takeaways
- Most people who fall in love with someone other than their spouse never went looking for a lover.
- If you have fallen for someone else, you are already in what some call an emotional affair, even if it has not turned physical.
- People in this situation often say no one has ever loved or understood them like this, and that this is the person they were meant to be with.
- If you already felt your spouse was unkind or hurtful, that negativity has likely grown stronger since the affair began.
You probably never meant for this to happen.
It’s not as if you went looking for a lover…
However, once you fell in love with another person than your spouse, things got rather intense. You’re already in what some refer to as an emotional affair. Perhaps you’ve gone further and the relationship has turned physical.
Maybe you describe this new relationship similar to the way others I’ve worked with:
- “I’ve never been loved like this.”
- “No one understands me as well as he/she does.”
- “This is the person I was meant to be with.”
- “I can’t explain how this feels because I don’t think anyone else can understand it. It’s intense. Amazing. Wonderful.”
Most likely your desire is not to hurt the person you’re married to, but rather to live in this new level of love that you never knew existed. You don’t mean to harm family, friends, coworkers, church buddies, or anyone else. Your desire is to have, not to hurt. (There may be an exception to that if you feel that your spouse has been unkind or hurtful. If so, that degree of negativity toward your spouse probably increased its intensity after your affair began.)
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
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Common questions
Is it an emotional affair if I’ve fallen in love with someone else?
If you’ve fallen in love with someone other than your spouse, you’re already in what some refer to as an emotional affair, even if it hasn’t turned physical.
Why do I feel like the other person is the one I was meant to be with?
Many people in this situation say things like “I’ve never been loved like this” or “No one understands me as well as he or she does.” The feelings are intense, and most people in them never went looking for a lover.
Why am I so negative toward my spouse since the affair began?
If you feel your spouse has been unkind or hurtful, that negativity toward them probably grew more intense after your affair began.