Three Keys To Have A Great Holiday In A Broken Family
The short answer
To have a great holiday in a broken family, talk calmly with your spouse or former spouse, put your pride aside when tension rises, and accept that the day won’t be perfect. Deal with conflict before or after the celebration, breathe before you respond, and remember that the family matters more than the holiday itself.
Key takeaways
- Talk calmly with your spouse or former spouse, and handle conflict before or after the celebration rather than in the middle of it.
- Breathe before you respond, check what you are feeling, and take a time out if you need one so pride doesn’t ruin the day.
- Setting your frustrations aside shows your children that family and love matter most.
- Let go of the picture-perfect holiday, lower your expectations, and focus on your family instead of the day itself.
In this article, we discuss the three keys to a great holiday in a broken family.
In society, there’s this picture-perfect image of the classic holiday. Families surrounded by the tree, opening gifts, laughing and smiling without a single conflict. This warm Christmas image isn’t the same for everyone, and the idea of the perfect Christmas is stressful in a divorced or broken relationship.
What happens when there’s conflict? How do you handle the stress of the holidays when there’s an imperfect family dynamic?
Whether you’re married, separated, or divorced, Marriage Helper gives you essential tips for surviving unideal holidays.
Step One to a Great Holiday in a Broken Family: Open The Lines of Communication
As a parent, be mindful about how you communicate with your spouse around family. Open the lines of communication to ease the tension of what’s going on. Divorce can negatively affect married couples and their children into their adult years. According to divorce-based research , children with divorced parents are four times more likely to have social problems. For successful holidays, apply these open-conversation tips:
- Speak to your current or former spouse calmly to create a foundation of understanding. If there is conflict, address it early or later to avoid tense behavior.
- Avoid a pre-determined idea of what the holidays should look like or how your spouse may or may not act.
- Keep an open mind around a good time. Let all the pressure out of the pot before the significant occasion.
- Change your attitude about the environment.
Step Two to a Great Holiday in a Broken Family: Put Down Your Pride.
We’ve all heard the saying; there’s a time and a place for everything. It’s easy to get defensive or reactive when your spouse makes you angry or their attitude seems less than ideal. To avoid exploding on your spouse or ignoring each other during the holidays, think about the effect of your reactions.
The way you respond could make or break the day, leading to an argument. Take the necessary steps to put down your pride and react differently in a strained or conflicted situation. Setting aside your frustrations shows your children that family and love matter above all else. Ways to center your emotions and remain calm:
- Think before you react. Breathe in and exhale before responding.
- Track your emotions. “How am I feeling at this moment?” “Is this a necessary reply?”
- Be an active listener.
- Take a time out to clear your mind.
Step Three to a Great Holiday in a Broken Family: Understand Everything Can’t be Perfect.
Holidays are complicated, and there’s just something about them that emphasizes how broken a family feels. Use that holiday push to set aside your differences to bring your family together. If you’re separated, divorced, or struggling with your marriage, those good cop-bad cop roles are hard to break.
Understand that nothing is perfect, despite what you see in movies. The holidays offer an opportunity to show someone selfless love and unconditional care regardless of history. The key is remembering that the holidays are not important. It’s the family. No matter how complicated your family circumstance is, the focus is to lower expectations and embrace what life delivers.
Enjoy Stress-Free Holidays With Marriage Helper Tips
Don’t let the grinch steal your Christmas. Work together with your spouse or loved ones to build a better foundation for a happy holiday season. Come to a compromise or find ways to use smart contact for better communication. At Marriage Helper, we specialize in saving marriages and helping couples in need. We offer resources to make your marriage work and better you from our workshops and free LovePath quiz. Your family does not have to feel broken forever. Make the change this season. Contact us here or call (615) 472-1161.
Common questions
How do I get through the holidays when my marriage is falling apart?
Let go of the picture-perfect holiday and lower your expectations, because the holidays themselves are not what matters most. The family is, and the season is a chance to show selfless love regardless of your history.
How do I talk to my ex or separated spouse during the holidays?
Speak calmly to build a foundation of understanding, deal with conflict early or later instead of in the middle of the celebration, and don’t go in with a set idea of how your spouse will act.
How do I keep from fighting with my spouse in front of the kids at Christmas?
Put down your pride and think about the effect of your reactions. Breathe before you respond, ask yourself how you’re feeling and whether a reply is necessary, listen well, and take a time out if you need one.