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The Holidays can be some of the most difficult and lonely times of the year, especially if your spouse is completely disengaged.


Maybe your spouse stopped talking to you, or you’re separated, or you’re in the middle of a divorce…


Whatever your situation may be, SMART Contact is the BEST way to communicate with your spouse, no matter what has happened. If anything works to bring back your spouse and get them to open up, this will. 


If you’re wondering, “What in the world is SMART Contact?” don’t worry, we have a specific video that explains it! Watch it here:


Okay, back to the Holidays… the Holidays can be a great opportunity to reach out to your spouse, but there are three specific things you must consider before doing so. (We want it to go well for you!)


First, manage your expectations. When we teach SMART Contact, we focus on conversations with your spouse about “business items,” (i.e. non-emotional things that make sense to reach out about).


So if you want to reach out to your spouse, send a message, or send a card, ASK YOURSELF THIS FIRST… What are your intentions? 


Do you want to share a kind word? Or, are you going to be glued to your phone, incessantly waiting for ANY response from your spouse? Or, will you be overanalyzing everything? Will you feel pressured to respond to your spouse based on his/her response? If your intentions for reaching out are coming from a place of anxiety, we would encourage you to pause. At this point, reaching out may not be the healthiest thing for you to do.


However, if you’ve been following Marriage Helper principles, you feel emotionally strong, and you want to reach out to your spouse (knowing that there may be no response) then go for it.


The actions in these two scenarios are the same: Reaching out to your spouse. However, the difference is how you will be affected by the outcome. If you’re coming from a place of anxiety, and fear, would you be able to handle a conversation if your spouse answered the phone, or texted you back? 


Here’s the thing, you have to be READY for the next step of the conversation if you reach out to your spouse. If they begin to open up to you, you need to know what to do next. We teach you how to in the SMART Contact toolkit. 


In the SMART Contact Toolkit, we dive deep into what it is, what it is not, and why “no contact” doesn’t work. We also answer your most frequently asked questions. 


Learn more here:


Second, surround yourself with positive and encouraging people. I don’t know about you, but for me, being around negative people is so draining… Have you ever been around someone who is so full of life? Someone who brings out the best in you? These are the people you need to surround yourself with. 


But what if you’re in a situation where you don’t have close friends to lean on? What if you feel completely alone? I’ve been there. When my marriage was going through a difficult time, I realized my husband was my only close friend. And that wasn’t completely healthy. You need a support system you can trust-  someone who is “for” your marriage, who won’t talk bad about you, your spouse, or your marriage. 


Third, SMART Contact is not a “tactic” that you “try out.” It’s not manipulating your spouse to come back to you, it’s not something you try for a week and end up stopping… SMART Contact is the best way to communicate with your spouse in general! If your spouse is wanting out of the marriage or has disconnected from you, it is the BEST thing you can do right now. 


Many people reach out to us, asking, “My spouse came back, SMART Contact “worked” and they came back, what do I do next!?” The SMART Contact Toolkit can help! Check it out here:


All in all, the Holidays can be a great time to reach out to your spouse. Just remember to not expect much from them, manage your expectations, and be delighted when positive things start happening!


Check out our SMART Contact Toolkit to learn more and get your spouse to talk to you again!


*SMART Contact™ is a registered trademark of Marriage Helper.