Learning To Trust Again
The short answer
You can learn to trust again after one spouse hurts the other, but rebuilding trust takes work. The hurt spouse often needs to talk about the pain and the fear it will happen again, while the spouse who did the hurting may want to forgive and forget fast. This episode shows which questions to answer, which to avoid, and how to overcome that fear.
Key takeaways
- Rebuilding trust after one spouse hurts the other is possible, but it takes real work.
- The hurt spouse often carries anger, fear, doubt, and anxiety, while the spouse who caused the hurt often feels remorse and guilt.
- The spouse who caused the hurt may want to move on fast, but the hurt spouse usually needs time to talk about the pain and be reassured.
- Some questions about what happened need honest answers, while others are better left unanswered.
If you are the spouse who has been hurt, or the spouse who did the hurting, there are key principles for building trust again in your relationship.
The hurt spouse often feels anger, pain, fear, doubt, anxiety, and helplessness.
The spouse who did the hurt often feels remorse, guilt, fear, desire, and helplessness.
Sometimes the spouse who did the hurt wants the other spouse to forgive and forget rapidly…let’s just get beyond this as fast as we can.
Often the hurt spouse needs to talk about the pain, the fear of what might happen again, and to be reassured in many ways.
Are there ways to rebuild the trust? Yes. Does it require work? Yes.
Will there be questions that must be answered? Absolutely. Are there some questions which should not be answered? Absolutely.
In this program we’ll guide you through a process to know what do do, which questions to ask and answer, which ones to avoid, and how to overcome the fear that the hurt will happen again.
Common questions
Why does my spouse want me to just forgive and forget?
The spouse who did the hurting often feels remorse, guilt, fear and helplessness, and wants to get past it as fast as possible. The hurt spouse usually needs more time to talk about the pain and to be reassured in many ways.
Should I ask my spouse questions about what happened?
Some questions must be answered to rebuild trust, and some should not be answered at all. This episode walks through which questions to ask and answer and which ones to avoid.
How do I stop being afraid it will happen again?
Fear that the hurt will happen again is normal, along with anger, pain, doubt, anxiety and helplessness. Talking about that fear and being reassured are part of rebuilding trust, and this episode walks through how to overcome it.