7 Signs NO CONTACT Is Ruining Your Life
If you’ve been trying NO CONTACT and feel stuck, confused, or don’t even know what to do next this is for you.
First of all, No Contact is not the best thing that you should do for your marriage. More times than not, it’s going to ruin your chances of saving your marriage. And even more than that, it’s probably ruining you.
Because of this, I want to share with you seven ways No Contact is actually ruining your life.
If any of these seven things are happening, I strongly suggest that you reconsider your approach. Instead, try something that actually works in saving your marriage.
For example, don’t miss the FREE Mini-Course you can start right now that will teach you what actually works! It helps you learn how to get your spouse to communicate with you. AND, it teaches you healthy behaviors and habits to have a better marriage long term.
1. You Have Unhealthy, All-Consuming Negative Thoughts
Here’s sign number one that No Contact is ruining your life. You’re so focused on thinking about what your spouse is or isn’t doing.
It’s taking up all your time, energy, and mental space. Maybe you keep going back to YouTube and watching every single video to see if no contact is working.
“It’s taking up all of your time, energy, and mental space.”
There are thousands of videos out there that talk about different aspects of No Contact. Watching all the different videos gives you different advice. And at the end of the day, you’re more confused than ever before.
If you don’t stop yourself, you will go into a rabbit hole of deep darkness… It can feel overwhelming to the point where it’s all you can think about.
You’re consumed with whether they’ve texted you or sent you a gift. You want to know if No Contact is working.
It’s not healthy for you. It’s not healthy for your mind and it’s not healthy for your future relationship.
2. You’re Creating Negative Relationship Patterns
Number two is you keep ignoring your spouse. No Contact says “if your spouse has tried to reach out to you don’t respond.” But ignoring your spouse does not create a good foundation for your relationship.
You’re Controlling & Manipulating Your Spouse
I understand that No Contact is all about making your spouse see what they’re missing, but it’s controlling. It’s not a behavior ever done in healthy relationships.
In a healthy relationship, you don’t use tactics or manipulative factors to try and get someone to see what they’re missing. Instead, you’re a safe place for that person. You’re present and loving toward them, even when they don’t deserve it. That is what builds long term, healthy relationships.
“In a healthy relationship, you don’t use tactics or manipulative factors to try and get someone to see what they’re missing.”
Now, I also don’t advocate that you text your spouse every single day. That’s the other extreme. But I do believe there’s a happy medium between this which we at Marriage Helper call SMART Contact™. It’s all about being “smart” with the way that you reach out and communicate with your spouse. It’s NOT about trying to control, manipulate, or take freedom away from them.
SMART Contact is also not about pouring yourself out or holding yourself back. It’s a healthy medium for both parties so you can still communicate with your spouse about things that matter without having to play games. It builds quality communication between the two of you if you do it right.
3. You May Become Depressed
Point number three, you may feel like you’re becoming depressed. You’ve been spending so much time, effort, and energy doing No Contact that you feel more lonely than ever before.
It’s not uncommon. Especially when you put so much hope into something that may have been one of your “last-ditch efforts.” So when it feels like it’s not working, it’s absolutely normal to feel like you’re becoming depressed.
However, you’re also probably feeling depressed because this isn’t healthy. This is NOT a healthy way for you to be interacting or living your life. You need to find something that is a healthier approach for you! Become a healthier version of yourself physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually with the PIES of Attraction Bootcamp.
4. You Can Make Decisions When You Aren’t In A Healthy Place To Do So
You May Become Attracted To Others
The fourth way No Contact might be ruining your life is you may find that you are becoming more attracted to others… you see, you run this temptation when you stop contacting your spouse. After having a period of relief, you may begin to think, “I don’t know if I want to save that relationship.” Now, that’s okay, but it’s not necessarily healthy because you’re not making that decision when you’re in a healthy space.
You’re making that decision in the middle of you implementing this No Contact system. And now you don’t have a healthy view of your reality. You may end up making long term decisions when you’re not in a healthy place to do so…
You May Decide To Stop Standing For Your Marriage
You may decide to stop standing for your marriage. You may pursue someone else when you’re still married, (which you should definitely NOT do!)
If you discover you’re becoming attracted to other people during No Contact, it’s more than likely because you’ve put yourself in a position where you feel like you’ve lost hope with your spouse.
And you may think about more available alternatives, but it’s not the best place for you to be. You don’t want to start seeking another relationship right now. And you definitely don’t want to do anything to ruin your chances at saving your marriage.
But Hear This: You Deserve To Give Your Marriage A Chance
There are hundreds of reasons that you should save your marriage. Even when it feels hopeless or helpless. I won’t get into all of those right here, but trust me, any marriage can be saved and made better than it ever was before. No matter what has happened. And you deserve to give that chance to the marriage that you’re in right now.
5. You’ve Lost Your Sense Of Self
The fifth sign that No Contact might be ruining your life is that you have lost yourself. You’ve lost your identity. You don’t even know who you are anymore.
Your competence? Gone. Your self-esteem? Plummeted. You’ve given so much of yourself… so much time, energy, and mental space to learning how to do No Contact, that you don’t even know who you are anymore…
And you probably don’t even remember why you’re doing it. If that’s where you are, it’s healthy for you to step back, stop obsessing about it, and to look at things from a different perspective.
“It’s healthy for you to step back, stop obsessing about it, and to look at things from a different perspective.”
6. You May Lose Friends
The sixth reason that No Contact might be ruining your life is because you’re losing friends.
Maybe every time you’re around your friends, all you talk about is No Contact, your spouse, what your spouse might be doing, or how you don’t know what your spouse is thinking.
Your friends want to be there for you and be your support system, but you’re overwhelming them. They don’t know what to say to you anymore. They don’t know how to act around you. They don’t know what they can do to possibly help you come out of this pit.
Because of this, they might stop reaching out. And it’s not because they don’t love you, it’s because they don’t know what to do anymore.
If you’re becoming so obsessed with this one thing that you don’t even know how to interact and relate to your friends anymore, you may need to stop No Contact.
7. You’ve Lost Hope For Your Situation
And the seventh reason that No Contact might be ruining your life is that you’ve lost hope. You’ve tried it. It didn’t work. And now you don’t know what you can do…
As I’ve said before, at Marriage Helper, we have worked with thousands of people in these situations. Their spouse won’t even talk to them anymore. They’re separated. Divorce is on the table. (Or, maybe they’ve already even divorced.) In all these situations, this has never stopped us from believing that there is hope and help for your situation!
We have seen marriages that every other person has given up on, be saved, and made stronger than ever before!
But Not All Is Lost.
You Can Learn How To Do The Right Things In Your Relationship
We want to teach you the things that you can do to begin to actually create change not only in your relationship, but within yourself. We want you to get your confidence back. We want you to rebuild your self-esteem.
Start with our free mini-course, for how to get your spouse to talk to you. Click here to get the free Mini-Course!
Lastly, we want you to realize that you DO have the strength and the ability to save this relationship. And you don’t have to do it by playing games or using manipulative tactics. You can do it by being the best version of yourself because you’re good enough. And we want to help you do that.