“I spent years trying to ‘fix him.’ Quirky behaviors that drove me crazy. Decisions he would make that I would have done differently. Criticizing the way he drove. Belittling his love for video games. Nagging him about the things he hadn’t done yet that I felt like were a priority.
…..and I thought I was right. I thought I had it figured out. I thought my way was the right way. Why couldn’t he just see things how I did? And all the while, he felt disrespected. I was pushing him away by my controlling behaviors and I didn’t even take the time to notice.
So when it all came out in April that he had fallen in love with another woman, I was BLINDSIDED. I spent so much time angry and asking, ‘how could he?!’ And I spent so little time looking at how I contributed to the breakdown.
But now…. now, I’m choosing to just love him. Who cares if he folds the laundry differently than I do?! He’s home. Who cares if he makes a decision that is different than the one I would have chosen? He’s home.
Yes, he has hurt me. Deeper than I’ve ever been hurt. But you know what? I hurt him. For so many years, he felt disrespected and he didn’t feel I believed in him. So now, I’m choosing to respect him. To honor him. To believe in him and assume the best about him. To cheer him on. To support him. To realize that I’m not always right… heck, a lot of times I’m not. My way isn’t the only way.
And doubt still creeps in… I still wonder if I’m enough. I wonder if we’ll make it. And then he calls me on the phone as I take my lunch break and he says…. ‘Hey, we are building a really good thing here and I’m excited about our future again.’
I’m done trying to ‘fix him’. I’m going to just focus on ‘loving him.’”