We’ve talked a lot about how NOT to communicate, so how do you find ways to connect with your spouse? How can you communicate?
First, manage your “business items” together. Think of things in your life that you need to talk to your spouse about, i.e. financial things (mortgage and taxes) or if you have kids, talk about them. Find subjects items that don’t have emotions built into them. Mention how the kids are doing, or talk about things that are happening at school. Try to communicate in person or over the phone if you can. As you are managing these things, aim to not have a negative response, keep a calm demeanor, and be the best “you” in those interactions.
The aim here is to rebuild trust with them. Once you are doing well – limited to business talk – together you can start asking them questions. Keep it surface level, as long as they aren’t emotion-driven, and avoid anything that’s going to elicit negative responses.