If You Really Wanted Me To Stay You Would Pursue Me, Right?

So what about the, “If you had really wanted me to stay, you would have pursued me…” that some people hear from their spouses which makes them think that SMART Contact doesn’t work?

Try thinking about that statement in these ways:

  1. Is that the truth, or is it a way to blame you for their actions so that you will go away or leave them alone? Or so that they can feel better about themselves… less guilt… a way to justify their actions to themselves and others.
  2. Is that genuinely what the person felt at the time they were abandoning you, or is it their view of it after things changed with their situation? (Even they may not know the answer to that.)
  3. If they move away from you in the hope that you will pursue them, there are several problems. The “I want you to come after me”; to pursue behavior is sometimes part of why people do what they do – even when they don’t know why they’re doing it – and most of the time leads to further difficulties.