The 4 Ways To Attract Your Spouse
There are some MAJOR misconceptions about what attraction is and why it matters.
Often, attraction is seen as a physical connection or draw to someone…but it’s actually so much more than that. With the thousands of couples we’ve worked with, our principle about attraction helped them transform themselves AND their marriage.
What is the principle? We have to first start at the beginning- the process of falling in love.
Once you fall in love, continuing in this process leads you to fall deeper in love. However, if you do not continue the process, you can fall out of love. (And, it all starts with attraction.)
What is attraction? We know it as the “PIES.” The four pieces of attraction are physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual.
Physical attraction is a person’s outward appearance or how a person cares for him/herself. Intellectual attraction describes someone you can talk with, do life with, or have shared interests with.
Emotional attraction is the MOST important part of attraction (and most people do not even realize it!!) Emotional attraction is evoking emotions in someone else that they enjoy feeling.
Spiritual attraction has to do with sharing similar beliefs and values OR seeing someone else’s beliefs and values as better than your own. Many times, if a person is a person of faith, their faith affects (and guides) their beliefs and values.
Wherever you may fall in each of the areas of attraction, hear this: everything comes back to emotional attraction. We say this because everyone wants to be with someone who makes them feel good- even if they disagree, even if their body changes, even if they have different interests. It’s all about maintaining a positive, emotional connection.
In Kimberly’s own life she explains how she focused on her husband’s actions rather than her own actions. All she could see was that her husband was the problem, “If he would do x, y, and z then things would be better.” However, the person she was truly unhappy with was herself. She was focusing so much on her husband, resenting things he was doing, when what she really needed was to focus on herself. (Remember, you cannot control your spouse, but you can control yourself.)
Having the PIES to go back to was ESSENTIAL. Kimberly explains, “All I can do is work on myself. Eventually, not only did it change me- it changed my marriage.”
Falling in love begins with the PIES and staying in love begins with the PIES. You don’t work on your PIES just to attract your spouse back, or just to transform your marriage, you work on your PIES for YOU- to become the best version of you that you can be! Remember, this is not an instant process, but if ANYTHING works, this will!